You'd better take a seat, because I don't think you are.
So what the hell is Space Dude about, then?
From what I can gather, Space Dude is a disembodied head on a skateboard who's decided to save a golden city on a far off planet from an alien attack by some nasty bastards and their prerendered battle spider. Our job is to guide Space Dude through some mini-game like sequences.
And it's damn difficult. It took me a couple of tries to figure out how to work the menu screen without dying.
After winning the menu screen, Space Dude's gliding towards the planet on a cosmic trail of chocolatey cereal. I've got to... um... I have no idea.
That's not what happened.
I think that this screen acts as an intermission in between 'acts'. The bad guys make their way from the battle spider in the distance and slowly destroy all the stuff on screen until they reach the golden city in the lower left. The timer above Space Dude's head counts down as the bad guys advance; the better you do on the mini-games (each game has a timer that counts down), the less time the aliens will have on this screen. When the timer reaches zero, you can pick an enemy to attack.
Either that or it's completely arbitrary.
I also failed at dodging the sharks.
This game is really difficult! Though most of the games are simply 'move Space Dude to avoid the stuff', the prerendered sprites are so distorted you can't tell exactly what's a hit and what's not. A lot of the levels have objects coming towards or away from the screen and the presentation of depth is all screwed up.
In this game, Space Dude takes turns flying towards and away from the alien mushroom. When you fly towards it, you shoot at it and miss. When you fly away from it, it kills you and blood shoots out your ears.
Game 7: Roll Down The Side Of The Mountain Uncontrollably
Space Dude's powerless without his hoverboard. There's rocks and plants and stuff, but you can't avoid them because you can only move in one direction until you hit the side of the screen and then you can only move in the opposite direction.
The controls for this one made even less sense than the rest.
Sometimes the controls move Space Dude around the screen, other times they make him shoot.
Space Dude got hit by a rock the size of a car but he's still bloody smiling.
You can probably guess how that turned out.