Monday, 16 May 2011

Adventures in the Magic Kingdom (NES)

I'm not optimistic about this one. Wait, it's a Disney game? Does that mean we're going to THE Magic Kingdom, Disneyland?

It's definitely starting to look that way. These three idiots are trying to get the gate open for the parade, but Goofy left it in the castle. But they can't get in the castle because that needs five other keys, and Goofy lost them too.

Mickey's not too bothered by this because he has a plan. He's going to just choose the first kid that walks by and make them get the keys for him.

I guess those supposed to be shops? I'm far too busy to go spending money right now though, I've got a parade to save.

Mickey told me to go asking around for clues. He forgot to mention that if I talked to anyone the skies would blacken and I'd be interrogated.

He asks me what Cinderella's last name is, to prove I'm a friend of Mickey. Is Mickey Mouse a big fan of Cinderella or something? Every time someone comes around to Mickey's place, he drags out the Cinderella DVD out and forces them to watch.

It's multiple choice though, so I actually get the answer right, and he disappears, leaving me with the location of the next walking trivia quiz to chat to.

But screw that, I'm gonna ride the mine cart! Apparently I'm supposed to collect the stars and avoid the rocks but I don't really know what I'm doing here.

The paths keep splitting and I don't know if there's a correct track I'm supposed to pick, or if I just go with any of them and dodge whatever comes at me.

Either way, I totally screwed that up. But it's fine, I've got four other rides to try out.

Pirates of the Caribbean! I've been sent in to rescue six people from the pirates. Somehow.

I've got no weapons, I can't jump on anyone, if I touch anything remotely dangerous I lose a hit point. I'm not sure I was the best choice for this job. Though I AM damn good at jumping.

This was pretty easy until the people with the barrels turned up. They don't even look like pirates, why are they throwing barrels at me like Donkey Kong?

Never mind, I've rescued the blue haired damsel in distress from this part of the level, onto the next building.

Are those hail stones? Cannonballs? Raindrops? Even the rain in this place is out to kill me.

Holy shit, Mickey forgot to mention that the town was being flooded with lava. Sadly my jumping skills weren't quite good enough this time, and our hero burns to death.

Screw pirates, lets go check out the Haunted Mansion.

I've got a better idea, why don't YOU go into the deadly mansion? You're the idiot that let Goofy hold onto your only set of keys. I don't mind helping out a friend, but this sounds like a lot of risk for not much reward.

Hey, I've got a weapon on this level! Apparently candles are deadly to ghosts.

Taste my candle, you bodiless abomination!

That's the last time I ever leave dancing ghosts alone to dance in peace.

Once again my jumping skills fail me. INSTANT LEVEL FAILURE.

I blame the architect for forgetting to add a floor, I shouldn't have to jump from floating chairs to chandeliers just to get to the bathroom.

Ray fight? At least I collected enough stars to grab an extra life.

Is that a chequered flag? I can't figure that picture out.

Hey it was racing. Now I just need to figure out how to make my car go forward.

Well I made the car go forward, but I can't seem to steer the thing. It only wants to bank slowly from side to side.

What the fuck? I hit a jump and it sent me off the track into the... desert? I can't even tell where this is.

Well I screwed that up, one last ride left. Space Mountain.

I don't get it. Mickey said 'press the buttons as I shout them out' but I pressed A and lost a hit point.

Okay I think I know what I'm doing now. The 'A' at the top of the screen is actually the level I've reached. They just chose to tell me in the most misleading way possible. The buttons I'm supposed to press are on the bottom screen.

I still lost but at least I took out a couple of enemy space battlecruisers this time.

I ain't playing that one again. Next game.

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Semi-Random Game Box