Thursday, 26 May 2011

Johnny Bazookatone (MS-DOS)

This definitely seems like something I should have heard of. Well I vaguely remember the name, but I've got no idea what type of game it is or if it's supposed to be any good.

Oh good, it's another music themed platformer. Well, actually Blues Brothers - Jukebox Adventure didn't seem to have a damn thing to do with music except for collecting records for ammo, despite starring the Blues Brothers. This at least gives you a guitar.

Hang on, I'm just going to pause it for a second.

What? Escape is the game over button? I'm definitely redefining that.

Okay, it seems I can spin around, fire my guitar like a machine gun (infinite ammo!) or fire off a charged sonic wave. Not sure when I'll ever have the time to pull that off in combat, but it's always nice to have options.

Come on, hit him! Platforms block my bullets, even when they're clearly in the background. So I can't even fire downwards through this branch. I could always try jumping off though, firing down slows my fall so I might have enough time to kill him before I collide and take damage.

This spikey plant is a wall of pain. I can't even get close without taking damage. I guess I'm going over the top then.

These bastard zombies burst out of the ground, throw their head at you, then grow a new head. Then the head they threw grows a new body! Fortunately it seems that you can clear the level of them without them respawing later.

Man, that background looks like total ass. They went to all the trouble of giving it parallax scrolling too.

There's springboard mushrooms in this too?

Oh damn, there's one of those green bastards hiding in the branches, trying to blend in with my score. I should probably try shooting him diagonally from down here, before I accidentally bounce into him. Like I keep doing with all the others.

Huh, a dead end? There's nowhere to jump up, how the hell do I get over this thorny plant?


Oh. You can just walk past it. Apparently they only become a deadly barrier at the point where the thorns begin.

Another kill! I don't like these explosions much though, they seem a bit crappy. Then again the whole game feels like that. Plus that headstone's distracting me. Is that a flying vampire frog statue? I wonder if they used neon lights for the R.I.P. text...

Oh right, yeah, back to the game. I've got to at least get past level one before I turn this off.

Huh? The door's locked! C'mon it's only level one, don't pull this shit on me yet.


Okay, after checking a helpful youtube video, it seems I just have to take a running jump off this tower (without hitting the tip of the thorny plant and taking damage), fall down on to the mushroom, and then bounce up to the top of the wall. Of course.

There's definitely something up with a platform game when I need to check a walkthrough to get past level one.

Okay, level two! Finally!

Wait, why am I falling?!

Huh, what? What the hell? All I see is a red and purple blur, I don't even know where... oh there he is. Crap, get over to the right!

Okay, I've got one hit point left, I'm stuck at the bottom of the wall, and this guy seems entirely immune to my attacks.

OH! He keeps launching this rock up with his hammer. I just need to catch a ride. That's reasonably sensible.

Taste my vengeance, green things. Okay, now I know what I'm doing things should go a lot smoother.

Well, fuck. Actually I'm relieved that I don't have to play that anymore. Some platform games managed to pull off the pre-rendered 3d look brilliantly, this wasn't one of them.

Plus it's just not a very good game.

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