Wednesday, 25 May 2011

The Blues Brothers: Jukebox Adventure (MS-DOS)

What the hell reason do they have to be so happy? I've never seen any of the Saturday Night Live sketches, but I don't remember them smiling much in the movie.

Also why does Elwood's harmonica look more like a lightsaber?

That's just getting creepy now. It's like their faces have been permanently twisted and deformed into a deranged grin.

And the music is the same. It's a familiar Blues Brothers tune, except it's been warped into something terrible.

Okay, what?

Why is Elwood cheerfully crushing cartoon snails, insects, and... whatever the hell that thing on the left is supposed to be. Some kind of robot with rollerskate wheels?

Awesome, he's finally stopped smiling.

This seems to be a pretty standard platformer so far. It seems I have to collect records for ammo, and throw them at enemies to kill them. Confusingly that mushroom looks like it's further in the background than the tree, but I can use it as a springboard to jump higher.

Wait, why are the Blues Brothers in a forest fighting snails anyway? It's such a common platformer trope that I never even thought to question it until now.

I was certain these things were going to collapse after a couple of seconds and drop me in the spikes. But nope, they're not moving anywhere.

Hey, it's the robot thing from that snail stomping screen earlier. I still can't tell what it's supposed to be, but throwing a couple of vinyls it's way sorted it out. Annoyingly you have to hold the button down for a split second to fire off a record. Tapping it just seems to make him wave his arm uselessly.

Level 3. We're apparently in a prison where Elwood is being hunted by bouncing semi-intelligent bear traps. Even for a cute platformer that makes no sense. Are there no human enemies in this game?

The traps got me! So it's back to the start, and I... oh fuck I forgot about their crazed maniacal grins.

Okay... apparently eating cakes gives Jake superhuman strength. I have another question, why are there floating cakes above a spike pit in the forest? Who baked these cakes, why are there spikes in a forest? What does any of this have to do with the Blues Brothers?

Yeah, I still haven't quite gotten the hang of dealing with these traps yet. They like bouncing all over the place, it makes them hard to hit.

Jake Blues dances to entertain himself in prison while large orange blocks slide up and down.

Man, I am NEVER going to reach that jukebox exit with these things jumping around. I wish I could fire downwards.

Why is it so dark all of a sudden? OH SHIT, I'M RUNNING OUT OF... TINE? Tike? It almost looks like it says 'JAKE' but that can't be it.

Congrats, everyone who's still reading this gets a free level password. I'm pretty sure that's a 0, not an O. Probably.

Man, even on Jake's password screen Elwood still shows up to harass small creatures.

I don't get it. The top is bricked off and the lightning is an instant death. What the hell am I supposed to do?

AH! Those 'screw attack' spheres are actually switches. I can just throw an album over and deactivate the electricity.

Son of a bitch. Turning off the power turns on an energy barrier across the bounce pads on the floor.


Okay okay, I think I've got this now. I just need to chip away at this wall with my records, then hit the switch on the left as I'm bouncing upwards. Then I pull left at the top of my arc, and pass safely through the deactivated barrier.

Of course that means I have make sure to hit the switch or else I'll certainly die. And the records don't fire until you hold the button down for a bit, so it's hard to be sure if he's going to even throw or not. Yeah, I think I'm done with this.

Next game.

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