The Twisted Tales of Spike McFang (SNES)

That's a pretty terrifying moon.

Spike (the one in the hat) is on a trip to Fighter Island to learn some combat skills. His friend Camelia shows up and tells him that he needs to race back and help her fight off an invasion of zombies, but Spike can't leave or else he'll lose his deposit. She races off angry, and Spike goes to complete his training.

Or maybe...

Dammit! Okay, fine, Spike goes to complete his training.

This is the spirit of Fighter Island, master Ching Cao Qiang (Clarence for short). I have no idea if this is the guy we paid for training, or if he just showed up to teach us, but whatever.

First we learn how to jump, by jumping logs. I guess I still need some practice.

Then we learn how to break rocks by spinning our cape. I'm sure there must be a better way to do this.

Now we're catapulted into the sky to learn hat throwing. Like Oddjob in Goldfinger, or Kung Lao in Mortal Kombat, Spike can kill an enemy with a well timed throw of his hat. It says 'Balloon Animal' in the top there, but they're clearly sheep hanging off balloons, and there's no way they're gonna survive that drop. Poor sheep.

Then we fall onto this raft to learn... I dunno, how to react to a piranha attack? As usual I remain motionless, no reaction, as not to give them the satisfaction of thinking they've won.

The final exam. All we have to do is defeat master Clarence's Magic Cane while dodging fireballs. Our reward for victory? An empty box.

Now fully trained, Spike heads back to fight zombies.

I wasn't really paying attention, but I guess this girl has taken our castle and needs to be evicted.

First we save the game, and then TO THE CASTLE!

Or maybe...

Ugh, invisible wall! Okay, FINE! Whatever. Lets go up to the castle then.

And then I find the door is locked. I walk to the left side of the castle fighting enemies... nothing. I fight my way back through respawned enemies and check the right side of the castle instead... also nothing.

I guess we don't go to the castle after all. I head back to town.

Then on the way back I get a call from my friend. Uh, what? I have to go back to the left again?

Why the hell wasn't this guy here earlier? Okay fine, just give me the key. What, it's on the right side of the castle? Awesome!

And why weren't you here before either? I kill the clove with my killer clothes and nick his key. Now I can finally get inside the castle!

I don't like the castle!

Too many zombies! They're too fast! They breathe fire.

How come these assholes are so tough? I was expecting regular zombies, nice easy slow moving stupid creatures I could kill off one by one with my hat.

And I'm dead. Luckily I remembered to bring a coffin. And I restart back at the save point at the edge of town.


Maybe I should have levelled up a few times first by fighting cloves outside. I don't know, don't care. Next game.