Monday, 11 April 2011

Bart Simpson's House of Weirdness (MS-DOS) - Guest Post

Another Monday, another mecha-neko post.

Hey! It's the intro!

They put really put some effort into this. You've got the music, the clouds, the buildings, Bart at the blackboard, and the couch!

It's The Simpsons! On Your PC! Unbelievable!

I dock a million marks though because it doesn't say 'The Siiiimp-soooooons', yet the rest of the game has some speech samples.

Bart's been cornered by Homer! And Marge? Looks like Homer is about to beat him senseless with a hoover attachment.

His left hand has been chopped off and his face has been removed. Worse, he's been grounded.

'MWHAA HA HA'. Looks like this was Bart's plan all along!

Bart's room. You can mess about with his stuff, like the 'I DIDN'T DO IT' Krusty Doll, or the cassette player, or the punching bag with Sideshow Bob's face on it. Leave Bart alone for long enough and he folds his arms and taps his foot. This is because he has attitude, man. I'd have attitude too if I were shorter than my desk.

You can sneak out the window to escape the room and head into the game proper. Or you can just use the door.

Bart's closet. Bloody huge.

Looks like the Simpsons have some bees in their bonnet! If by 'bonnet', I mean 'attic'. The indicator in the corner says we're looking for a key.

Bart's laser can shoot forwards, slightly up or slightly down (a bit like Resident Evil). None of these work particularly well against the bees. There's a slingshot over there, but switching weapons is a pain and it's not much better than his normal weapon.

I had to watch the attract mode to figure out how to do this scene. You enter on the left, jump on the couch, then the cushions, then the mirror, the trunk, the stack of newspapers, the head and then the stack of boxes where I am now. You then jump UP to get into the screen above.

Where you immediately get beset by bats and spiky nails that poke out of the boards. One false move and Bart is knocked back through the air, where he falls through the gap in the boards and into the screen below. UN COOL.

In the basement, you battle Ms. Botz from the first season. She's got a rope which hurts you, and you've got a dart gun which does nothing. That bastard hamster keeps dropping jars on my head. UN COOL.

Outside isn't much better. I've managed to get myself trapped on this screen. I can't retrace my steps by going left; I can't advance by going right! This guard fellow pokes me with his nightstick until I'm 'toastified, man'. UN COOL.

They fight, they fight, they fight they fight they fight. Fight fight fight, fight fight fight. It's the Itchy and Scratchy Dream! There's no music, what the hell?

This is the one about the cat and the mouse that are good friends, right?

OH NO WAIT it's the one about the cat that smashes in the boy's brains with a hammer.

The objective indicator is telling me that I have to 'Itchy and Scratchy' to win this level. I think Bart's dead now, which I think should count as a win.

There's no separate game over screen, which is a bit rubbish. You get the same grounded cutscene as you do when you start the game. I'll say it again: UN COOL.

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