Road Runner's Death Valley Rally (SNES)

Not another damn Road Runner game? Wow, even this gets a chrome title?

You can't start a Road Runner story without showing made up fake latin names for the two for them. (Not pictured)

It's another platformer, except Road Runner doesn't really doesn't fit this genre. He's not suited to jumping between platforms and making his way up a tower of ledges, he's geared for moving left or right at blinding speeds. Even when I'm trying to jump carefully, his momentum keeps making me overshoot platforms.

Sonic the Hedgehog has a bit of momentum to him too, but not like this, and his levels were designed to let you go fast.

These levels seem designed to kill me if I dare to try building up speed. I didn't have a chance to react to this! In fact the first plant I came across I thought was just part of the background.

There's a run button too, which burns up the fuel in that gauge in the top left, in case I ever find that I'm not being killed fast enough.

But at least there's buttons to make him stick his tongue out or go 'meep-meep!'

Oh damn, I totally should have done that tongue thing here.

The best parts of the game are when I reach something that takes out Wile E. Coyote, or forces his plans to backfire. Like everything in the game they're very well animated and it's nice to get the guy off my back for a while.

Because it's not much fun to be racing around, trying to figure out where to go, when suddenly...

CRACKKKKKK! He comes out of nowhere! I'm flying along one way, he's speeding across the other way, I didn't even realise he was there until after I was hit. Fortunately I can take quite a few hits, and being killed only sends me back as far as the last checkpoint.

It's just like I'm watching the cartoon!

In fact, why I am I playing this instead of watching the cartoon? I have DVDs just sitting and gathering dust while I'm suffering through this crap.

At least I remembered to press the tongue button this time.

At the end of each level I get a bonus for each checkpoint flag I found. I'm apparently meant to be jumping all over the level trying to find them, instead of road running.

Hey, free bird seed! Awesome! This refills my run gauge, and gives Wile E. Coyote a chance to sneak up on me.

The sign says up so I guess we go up now.

Wile E. Coyote has been chasing me around this level in a balloon, throwing little planes with grenades at me. Like I needed another reason to miss my jumps and overshoot these platforms.

And then fall all the way back down to the start.

Right, found another sign. We're still going left then. Or maybe I fell down and this is the same sign as before. Either way, let's go left.

This isn't helpful.

Well I guess I know what that sign means.


Next game. Hopefully the next one will have better music. It could hardly have worse.