Earnest Evans (Genesis/Mega Drive)

That has to be the shiniest logo yet. For some reason I have trouble taking the name 'Earnest' seriously for an action hero.

The hero. At first glance he seems to be basically Indiana Jones with a blonde mullet. The Mega CD version has animated cutscenes, but in this version a couple of pictures at the start is all the story I get. He's visiting some kind of temple in the jungle to do a bit of tomb raiding it seems.

Definitely Indiana Jones, with a hint of Castlevania. The characters are built up from small sprite sections linked together at the joints, and it looks kinda stupid. The music is good though, very heroic.

Well I was aiming for the rope, but if you want to climb the wall, go ahead. Theoretically I can use those hooks on the ceilings to swing across with my whip. In practice though I tend to miss and fall down. Unless I'm trying whip an enemy to death, then I have no trouble getting my whip caught in the damn ceiling hooks.

Agh, dammit, I hate these guys. It's so huge you have to get within its attack range to even see what it is. There's no temporary invincibility in this after taking a hit. Every split second you're in contact with the enemy, your health bar is being drained, and you can quickly lose it all before you escape. You get extra life bars, but they work as extensions to your current bar rather than new lives. And continues work as extra lives, putting you back exactly where you died. Which is nice.

I thought I was collecting a health potion, but it turned out to be a 'fall asleep and get attacked by enemies until you die' potion. Damn bats.

After backtracking to find the key, I get through a door and collect the idol! But oh no, it was guarded by a boss! Fortunately this is pretty easy, I just have to avoid the red fireballs and hit the green thing.

OH SHIT, boulders! How did I not see this coming? The game helpfully puts up an arrow to give me some clue where to go for once. Of course what it should really say is go down and left, because going left leads to a dead end, but I remember the path out so it's all good.

I reach the start of the level, and run straight into an invisible wall. Fortunately once the STAGE CLEAR message flashes up I'm immune to harm, so I get to watch Evans get crushed by boulders and flung around like a rag doll.

Stage two's boss is even easier. I just jumped through it and attacked from this gap at the back.

You switch between standing, crouching, and crawling by using up and down on the d-pad. Or by just doing anything, seeing as Evans always seems to end up in the crouched position by himself. When you're in the crawling position pressing jump makes him roll instead, which is extra hilarious when you're burning to death in a lava pit and you can't get out.

Stage three's boss, not a huge challenge because fortunately the arms do not seem to kill you when you stand on them.

The next level... is not this. This is stage five, and I'm on a train! Those planes flying past aren't tiny, they're just far away, strafing me with their side guns. The level is tiny, but I'm still stuck on it, wandering back and forth, because I can't figure out what I need to do to get past another invisible wall.

Oh, there was a thing on the roof I needed to pick up. Of course, where else would it be? This is the boss for this level, some kind of... coal demon I guess? Also not much of a threat.

The game helpfully gives me another arrow telling me where to go. These things only ever appear when there's no doubt where you're supposed to go, otherwise you're left to wander the maze-like levels endlessly until you stumble across the exit. After getting into the plane he actually flies it out of the train. That screen is about all the runway he needs to get it airborne.

Ah, we're in a city now. Evans quickly hitches a ride on a car, for some reason. I'm not complaining.

This level is full of badass soldier types who keep doing backflips and trying to stab me. Fortunately they've got no defence against my 'hit them with a whip, then run away' tactic. Fortunately because I'm on my last life and I've got next to no health.

Aw crap that ain't fair, how am I supposed to break that with a whip? What the hell is that thing anyway?


Next game.