Mecha-neko returns with another Monday guest post.
So it's football then, is it?
The fourth guy in the back row seems a bit bored. The guys in the front are double checking that the green stuff is actually grass.
Let's have a simple four minute friendly between Liverpool and Everton to get this over with.
Believe it or not, this game is actually playable. There doesn't seem to be that many buttons to press: as you move across the pitch, a caption at the bottom of the screen tells you what will happen if you press Return. This automatically changes depending on where you are on the pitch and the current positions of the players. The targeted player flashes on the radar.
As the target changes, the speaker beeps to let you know. It's up to the player's interpretation as to whether this sounds like a missile lock-on tone, or somebody scanning groceries.
Deftly avoiding all opponents, Molby passes to our star striker and secret weapon: Patrick Stewart, OBE. He's in the zone! He's got the ball! We can't possibly lose!
Let's switch to an side view epic instant replay...
Make it so!
(Special bonus if you can tell which one is Patrick.)
In the blink of an eye, G Ablett steals the ball out of mid-air. He immediately spins around on the spot and scores an own goal. Both teams can only stare as if they were watching a car crash. It's possible that he forgot what team he's playing for, as he did play for both.
That's our R Jones!
The Everton dudes are completely at a loss. They've probably just realised which end of the pitch is theirs.
After half time, Everton shows they've wised up by scoring a goal. Damn you, T Cottee! You're always ruining everything.
I bet they're thinking they can pull this match back.
Too late, lads. This match is OVER.
I'd shed a tear if that meant anything to me. But it doesn't.
Next game.
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