Dungeon Master (SNES)

I've actually played this one on the Amiga before, once when I was very young. I remember a lot of mouse clicking and frustration. And grey walls. But for all I know the SNES version is a cute platformer with squirrels in and lets face it, it's not unlikely.

Grey walls! I love these things, how grey and featureless and boring. Also they make everywhere look the same, so you have no clue if you're backtracking through a corridor you've already been down. I've been given buttons to use on screen to move around, but I can't imagine that's the only way. They couldn't be that cruel.

Or can they?

Nope, the Select button switches to 'move mode', which lets you move around with the d pad and turn with L and R. Cool, now our dudes can go exploring!

Wait, where are our dudes? We have an empty party! Also, where's the music, the only sound is an echoing drip sound that keeps repeating. This must be what Chinese water torture feels like.

Walls...

More walls...

Suddenly MUSIC! We're at the Hall of Champions! (It looks like grey walls, you're going to have to use your imagination here).

I find a picture on the wall, clicking it reveals an inventory for a character I don't have. Hey, maybe this whole room is the character select screen. He looks badass and carries a samurai sword, so I'll add him to the team.

After filling out my team with the standard cocky best friend/rival, old guy with the beard, and the hot chick, I take a moment to wonder about the other portraits hanging in this hall. Poor souls that will never again live, just because I chose an old guy with a beard over them. So sad.

Then I find I'm still in move mode and accidentally fling my characters into a wall, causing them damage. That's a really stupid game mechanic.

OH SHIT! It's a mummy!

Hey wait, what am I worried about? There's four of us and we've got a samurai on team! I guess you click on those blue icons on the right to swing your weapon.

R.I.P. Iaido. He was the best of us, and we lost him in the first fight. Okay guys, lets split up his stuff. Zed you were his best friend/rival, it's only fair that you get his sword. Each item has to be dragged into their inventories separately it seems. One by one. We'll take the bones too, in case we can resurrect him later.

THUD! I accidentally crash into a wall and lose health.

Hey, a key hole. We picked up a key earlier, maybe it'll fit. Each of the keys has a name, but the locks all look identical so you just gotta try them all, one at a time. But hey, it worked so lets move on... ow, straight into a wall.

Oh shit, an enemy. And he's standing in front of the door. Well, he can't kill ALL of us... CHARGE!

Against all odds we survive, with minimal health left, and run right into a floor panel puzzle. Two gates and a floor covered in switches, awesome.

Well that's the end of that. It was nice knowing you chaps. Well, we might as well go out hammering the sword icons.

We did it! We're barely hanging on but we are still going. The slightest bit of damage could kill us, but for the moment we live. Hmm, what's this, a trap door? And we just passed a floor planel! I have an idea...

Sorry Iaido, but we need something heavy to weigh down the switch. Also you're starting to stink up our inventory.

SMACK... I walk into a wall again by accident. Dammit!

Obnoxious wall!

Ow, I just walked into another wall. I don't like walls. They're coarse and rough and irritating, and they're everywhere.

Zed, Syra, no!!! Oh crap, uh, hmm... SWING! You may have taken out the other two, but I still have plenty of health and I'm TAKING YOU WITH ME.

Oh wow, I did it! I beat him! I'M STILL ALIVE.

Thud... I walk into a wall.

Next game.