Blam! Machinehead (MS-DOS)

WOw, NiCE raNDoM LeTTEr CaPItalISaTioN tHeRe.

Excellent, the game doesn't waste any time putting you in the action and telling you what to do. All I need to do now is figure out what pylons and cocoons looks like and where I can find them.

Awesome, I've already found the first unreality key. No idea what it's for. I can't imagine it's a sensible idea to open up a door in the wall of reality, but this game is EXTREME so I don't give a fuck!

I'm either driving a hover tank, or wearing a helmet with side mounted machine guns. The way I'm sliding around I'm guessing it's the former.

Shit, heli-wasps! I instantly hate the things on sight, like I've triggered subconscious memories of them annoying me in some other video game.

Ruff 'n' Tumble (Amiga)

Oh right, they were in Ruff 'n' Tumble. Man, that game was a lot better than this one. But anyway...

Boom, violence, explosion, kill!

Hey, there's a thing over there on the left. I'm going to have to give that a closer look later when I'm not being harassed.

Oh crap, now there's a spider! I wonder what game I remember THEM from...

It seems that the device I saw earlier was the lock for the unreality key. Activating it ALTERS THE VERY FABRIC OF REALITY, which apparently just means lowering some gates and letting me proceed to the next area.

Oh cool, there's some buildings. It's nice to have some scenery.

Is that a '4' on top of that thing? I guess I need to hunt down some keys and come back.

Agh, damn bastard spiders will not DIE. I'm really running low on health here, firing off my guns AND flamethrower, and the thing just keeps coming at me. I guess it might be time for me to give in, and check the control options to see how to aim down.

Haha, I escape! So long, spider!

Oh crap, new plan... run away! There's got to be a health pick up or whatever somewhere on this level.

Crap, I can't find a way out of this canyon and they keep pouring in after me.

Well, at least now I know that the game over screen is as bad as the title screen.


Next game.