This one's got a half-decent 80's style illustration (Mobygames link) on the box rather than some lousy rendered thing, so I'm looking forward to seeing what this game looks like.
Sometime in the future, South East Asian forces have combined to form one of the most deadly armies ever seen by man. Their goal, world purification. From their secret underground complexes they intend to destroy the world leaving only themselves to control the future of the Earth.
Wait, they want to destroy the world? I hope they're not being literal, because destroying the world is a really bad idea, especially if you're ON it at the time.
These red screens continue on to say that I was sent into some complex to retrieve some secret information, but I've been CAPTURED! OH NO! Still, only I can stop the twisted plot and save the people of the Earth from a holocaust, the like of which the world has never seen.
But I'm captured! What am I supposed to do?
I've got a gun and he's shooting me. That's what's real.
If this is a door, it's not opening no matter what buttons I press.
Is anybody else overwhelmed by how absolutely awful this game looks, by the way? This is a real game. Maybe it looks so bad because I'm in a grotty cave level.
And what the hell is up the colours in THIS room? I think we're experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.
Nope, I checked the back of the box. This room is supposed have a red and black plasma column in the middle of it. This is the game that comes inside the box with that picture on it. Madness.
Now that I know that I can walk through that kind of wall, I'm able to go through that far door and explore further.
Nope, just a guy in a shirt who also wants to shoot me.
After doing a lap of the level (and unsuccessfully trying to sneak into the room by slipping outside the level temporarily), I managed to open the door by pressing Space on it. That's completely different to all the other wall/doors I've encountered, and I'm certain that I pressed every button on it when I first saw it.
It's possible that it only can only be opened once I've killed every enemy on the level. Could the game be that cruel? Nope, I'd just missed the keycard. Not every item is placed on a shining pedestal like in Doom, so I didn't notice when I picked it up. I thought that red thing on the interface on the 'Lives' counter was a glitch.
Now I have to win a level from each of the other episodes (yes, there are three episodes, just like papa Doom) to see the other zone pictures. BRB.
As an FPS rooted in any sort of reality, it's a total failure. If you let yourself be drawn into its idiotic, psychedelic world, you'll enjoy the hell out of it. The best bits of all your favourite 90s first person shooters are there in full, waiting to be found. I simply couldn't help but be charmed by its endearing feebleness. It's like it was designed and programmed by a 4 year old, except they actually had the persistence to create a full three episode game out of it.
Still, I can't help but feeling that I've been had by that box illustration.