Whirlo (SNES)

It's called 'Whirlo'? Oh, and look, a carrot. This is going to be a cute platformer where I play as a bunny, right?

Good for them, what's the skip button?

...what?

Wow, that's a bit harsh.

Damn, these poor guys can't catch a break.

Holy fuck! Leave them alone you bitch, haven't they suffered enough?

And Mario thinks he's got problems.

That's not snow, that's the Ashes of Despair choking the life out of Whirlo's friends as they desperately gather the strength to whisper what little advice they can.

Haunted forest you say? That's just great.

I can't jump on enemies in this, but I do have a number of attacks using your pitchfork, and they're pretty effective.

...except against these crocodiles, which take ages to kill. I guess it's to encourage you to jump over or onto them. I have no idea what's going on with that ghostly woman.

I've got a spinning pitchfork attack to get through these mysteriously shaped walls of ash.

But the game is a dick, and puts an enemy in the way of my landing as I clear the last wall. One hit is enough to send me right back to the start.

Oh damn, those were just the baby ones? Well I've got a pitchfork, and he's just a big ball of ash, so I'm not worried.

Damn, I got killed. Well, at least poor Whirlo's finally found an escape from his ridiculously bleak existence.

Oh come on lady, leave the guy alone. He's lost all his lives and couldn't save his friends or his family, isn't that bad enough?

No!

Wow... this game is mean.

In the original Japanese version, Whirlo is called 'Xandra', and doesn't have the constant frown on his sprite. This is actually a prequel to a series of games starring a character called Valkyrie, with Xandra as a sidekick, but I haven't run into any of them yet.


Next game.