Wario Land 3 (GBC)

I've already played Wario Land II, now here's the third game.

You might be wondering about that smoke coming out of those trees on the right. Let me explain...

You see, Wario was flying around in his plane one day, when suddenly it fell out of the sky for no reason. Possibly because he never learned to fly the thing. Or maybe he was just too cheap to fill the tank.

He survives the crash and finds himself lost in the forest. Eventually he stumbles across a cave and decides to investigate on the off chance that it might be full of treasure.

And then he gets trapped inside a magic music box. Probably left there by an asshole wizard with a nasty sense of humour and endless patience.

This guy claims to be a benevolent god and asks Wario to help him restore his power. In exchange Wario will get a ton of treasure and a way back out. Sounds like a fair deal, and this guy seems legit.

Actually he looks a bit like a GIANT EVIL CLOWN to me, but hey I don't see anyone else around offering a way back to the real world.

Always nice to see a level map. Though the only level I can visit at first is... the forest stage.

This seems a lot like Wario Land 2 so far, and Wario's still entirely unkillable. But this time I don't lose any coins when I'm hit. There's no penalty at all, it's just an annoyance.

Hmm, seems like I don't have a downwards slam attack in this. Well, I guess I'm not going that way then. I can still shoulder barge through those cracked bricks though.

It seems Wario's forgotten how to swim. Well I didn't want to go this way anyway. There's tons of other doors to try.

This one still has the awkward scrolling when I jump up platforms. I have to jump entirely off the top of the screen before the screen scrolls up to show me the next section of level. It's weird and annoying.

But hey, I found a key! Probably very useful.

But now it's smoothly scrolling up and down just fine. It doesn't really make much sense to me, but I'm sure there's some technical programming explanation for it.

Or maybe they just wanted to make jumping up ledges awkward.

The key opened a chest and I get... an axe?

AN AXE!!

Then he wastes it cutting down a tree on a the world map to unlock the next stage. Shame, for a second I thought I'd actually get to use the thing in gameplay.

Crap, I've been turned into a zombie. That's usually not good.

Actually it does turn out to be a good thing, because I can slip down through thin ledges to grab the key to the level exit chest.

Huh, this door keeps closing when I walk up to it. And that poor imprisoned professor up there keeps throwing yellow potions down.

HEY, you don't suppose there's a connection?

The yellow potion made me invisible! Which is great for getting past security walls, but not so good for making precision jumps.

Next stage. A night at the abyss.

Actually there's no way this is a bottomless pit. The game simply refuses to kill me, and I'm very grateful of that. Not every game would suit an immortal protagonist, but for this they've made it work.

No, stop feeding me doughnuts! I can't take any more, I'm stuffed.

I'm sure there must be some benefit to getting Wario even fatter than he usually is, but I'm not seeing it. Time to work off these pounds.

Getting hit by these blades slices Wario clean in half. Though he gets better.

But it knocks me off the ladder, so I have to avoid the shots to climb up to the top. No risk of death, but the challenge is still there.

That little bastard... The green thing hit me with his attack while I was recovering, and now I'm all wrapped up and helplessly bouncing back down the level.

And the chest is open! I wonder why it's red this time instead of grey.

Weird, it put me back on the level map but the next stage hasn't opened. I guess I'm going back again, and looking for the grey key this time.

It's sunny this time! Did I change that by opening the red chest?

There's sunshine pictures on these blocks, so maybe daytime has changed the level in some way.

I don't even know why these robots are here, they're totally useless. I can just slam through each of them and move on.

I should have known not to underestimate the robots really. He crushed me with a hammer, and now I'm floating back up to the top of the level.

New plan: avoid the robots.



LATER.

Huh? How the hell am I supposed to get through these blocks? I can smash the first one, but then I'm stuck.


LATER.

Got it! If I roll down a hill I can jump up afterwards and smash through the whole row of bricks!

Uh, is this supposed to move? Is there a switch or something that I missed?

I guess I took a wrong turn somewhere.


LATER.

Ah, this is better. Now I know I'm on the right track.

One of the barrels is flashing so I'll run over and give it a push.

He threw a hammer at me! What an asshole.

No! Where are you going! Hammer flattened Wario floats helplessly to the top of the level and as far as I can tell there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

Wouldn't it be great if that door led to the level exit?

Well at least I got a coin out of it. I guess if I'd defeated the boss first time I would have never found this. So I'm actually doing well!

And now I go back and kill that boss.

Eight times in a row. I'm so crap at this.

I've gotta say, I am really tempted to turn this off right now. I'm not a big fan of boss fights generally, especially when I continually lose. But then who does like losing?

This guy definitely doesn't like losing. That's the face of a guy who knows that the shoulder of vengeance is hurtling straight towards the back of his skull, and he can't hammer his way out of this one.

Hell yeah, I got the... what is that? A rabbit?

Perhaps it's a new pair of overalls.

Whatever it is, it's given me a new move! Now I can slam down onto things to crush them.


This is really similar to Wario Land 2, but for some reason I'm enjoying it more. Maybe it's because they're not throwing all those coins and bonus games at me this time, plus I can return to a level after finishing it to find secrets later. It means I can play through more casually without trying to grab everything on a stage in one go.

But I'm done with it now. Next game!