One Must Fall 2097 (MS-DOS)

No relation to WipEout 2097 and X-Kaliber 2097 I assume.

Like Xenophage, the similarly PC exclusive mid-90s fighter I played earlier, One Must Fall 2097 is now free to download! The official site's long dead but you can find downloads at fan sites like X-Bot's OMF Universe, or www.omf2097.com.

Faces are hard, especially at this resolution, so I ain't gonna judge. I'll go with Jean-Paul at the bottom left as he seems to have pretty balanced stats. Interestingly I get to choose my robot separately.

Wait... I get a robot?

I get a MASSIVE robot! That thing must be at least 10 meters tall.

Did that guy just call me a pud? He's a pud!

First blood is mine! Or oil, whatever.

Okay, I've got two buttons, punch and kick, I can't seem to block and I can't figure out any special moves.

Unlike Xenophage, the camera is staying zoomed out and there's no scrolling at all. This is the entire size of the level.

Oh wait, there's a special move. I couldn't tell you how I did it though.

My first ever try and I get a perfect round. The game's setting me up for a fall.

Wow, what a fabulous looking kick. I'm going to have to remember to do that next time the enemy jumps.

This commentator seems to show up after each match to show pictures and make smart assed deadpan comments about what just happened.

Which sounds like a great idea to me.

Ow. I wasn't expecting him to hit me with an attack that reaches across half the screen. He's making me look bad in front of the commentator!

This level has strafing runs by jet fighters? I've played a lot of future sport games, and I know they like to indulge in a bit of the old ultra-violence, but bringing in combat aircraft seems a bit unfair somehow.

Yeah I know the Smash Bros games do exactly this and are awesome, but they have a lot more room to move around.

Crap, this level has spikes! Meaning... I just cornered my opponent into the only safe part of the level.

I was doing so well too.

What the hell? Opponent six and they're already reusing levels? There's only 5 backgrounds in the game?

Also this guy's stealing my fabulous kick technique. Unforgivable.

Wow... the last fighter refuses to fight me. Surely that means I win, right?  If he refuses to fight me, then he's dropping out of the tournament and I'm the winner.

Oh fuck it, I'll just go and replay the entire game from the start on veteran difficulty. Or at least try to.

It seems that the character inside the mech determines the colour scheme. I'll go with the Jaguar mech in the top left. Because why not.

Oh crap oh crap they're using SPECIAL MOVES on me now! I still don't know how to do them, this is so unfair.

Yes Christian, you and your fighter squadron managed to finally take me down. I hope you feel satisfied with your hard earned victory.

Git.

See, that's the kind of move I should be doing! And into spikes too, that's a pretty smart move.

Okay it seems that veteran mode is noticeably harder, I'm losing as many fights as I'm winning. But I'm not doing too badly. I think I might actually be able to do this.

Good techno music on this level by the way.

Okay what just happened? This guy is taking my poor robot apart.

Hey, fuck you man! You have no idea how hard it is out there actually trying to achieve something.

You just sit there in your comfy chair and you nitpick and criticise and make jokes and you do nothing constructive!

He can make his hands float. How the hell am I supposed to beat a device like this?

Of course I want to bloody continue!

Weirdly the game doesn't let me choose another character when I continue. I'm stuck with Steffan and the Jaguar mech until the end.

You smug bastard, I'll... no, actually that's a fair point.

LASER EYE KILL SHOT MOTHERFUCKER! I don't pull off special moves often mate, but you earned that.


TWO OPPONENTS LATER.

To be fair Steffan you are kind of a tool. But hey, I finally get to go up against the 'sack. And damn he has a big robot. He's just going to step on me and it'll all be over.

Ow.

This is like the Terminator fighting Optimus Prime, he's stomping all over me. This would probably be easier if I ever figured out how to block.

Enough playing around, I'm going to have to use all my special techniques to win this fight. Like spamming low kicks over and over.

And he ends with the Saturday Night Fever pose. Devastating to enemy mechs if used correctly.

Apparently winning the tournament makes me ruler of Ganymede. I agree with Steffan though; Ganymede's a dump, let's go rule Earth instead. Or maybe I can rule Ganymede from my mansion on Earth. I know leaders typically live in the nation they're ruling, but most leaders don't rule over crappy little moons orbiting Jupiter.


That definitely wasn't the worst fighter I've played on PC, but like I said before I've played Xenophage. Anyway, I've got no interest ever seeing it again. Next game.