China Warrior (Turbografx-16)

Hey it's Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat! Uh, I mean Fei Long from Street Fighter! Or maybe that guy from Enter the Dragon...

Hudson Soft gave their PC Engine games volume numbers in Japan, and this is Vol 1 making it one of the very first games ever released for the console.

That's how a true badass appears on screen. Flying kick for no reason out of nowhere.

And then he just starts walking, automatically. I can make him stop by crouching, but the guy has places to go and he doesn't want or need the player's permission to go there. He's the China Warrior and this is his story, he doesn't give a damn about what I want him to do.

Suddenly, rocks are thrown at me from off screen. China Warrior doesn't give a fuck, he just keeps walking.

It seems I can punch and kick, but not high enough to hit these things. I could do a jumping kick, but the time for that has passed. There's no turning back, the only path is forwards.

Some guy dressed like a monk walked up looking for trouble. He didn't attack me, just got in my way. UNACCEPTABLE. A single punch to the gut slammed him off screen.

Shit, now I have fireballs to worry about? When was this game designed, 1983?

Actually these things just fly by overhead, they're no trouble at all. It seems I've taken some damage though, the guy has blood on his face.

I thought I told you monks to get the fuck outta my way when I'm walking. Why'd you have to make me use my kung fu on you?

Agh, now they're back to throwing rocks at me from off screen. When I get over there I'm gonna show those punks the meaning of regret. It may take me a while, I walk pretty slowly, but when I get there I'm bringing enough pain for everyone.

Hey, what the fuck! You're not a monk. Help, he's using martial arts on me, I don't know what to do!

Damn, that looks like a nasty wound. Still, that's one guy that'll never throw rocks at me again. Now I can get back to my walking.

Always with the fucking rocks.

This game is so retro, even for the time. All I have to do is duck or punch.

And jump. Duck, punch and jump.

These monks are smarter than the others. They've learned how to occasionally duck. Fortunately I know how to duck too, and I can punch at the same time (but not kick).

Oh balls.

All right, I've got one life left. Let's try that again.

Okay, who's the joker who keeps throwing sticks at me? Seriously, this shit ain't funny. Knock it off or I'll knock you out.

Oh fuck, it's him again. Uh... run?

How... did he get so far ahead of me again?


I think I've seen enough of this now. Next game.