It's fine, we can just fly through the mouth.
Guy: "Oh my god, what a terrifying dream. You had it too?"At first I thought 'how would she know?', but hey it's a cyberpunk future, maybe they have brain implants that lets them share dreams. They do have a ridiculously sci-fi looking bedroom, who knows what tech they've got in there.
Woman: "Yes. The SAME ONE. The descent into HELL."
The guy with the mullet is called Gideon ("the noble Gideon Eshanti" according to the narrator) and the woman is "the heroic Rachel Braque".
Okay my first goal is apparently to go chat to their boss to find out what crime they've supposedly committed.
Or maybe I should be speaking to their friend at the Mall who is jacked in to the 'Word of god' news nets and can get hold of information before it's censored by the Decency Council.
But then Dante tells me to go speak to Aldous Xenon in Chinatown, who has links to the Front. Wait, the front of what? What does any of this mean?
This conversation goes on for almost five minutes, and I feel like I should have been making notes because my attention went wandering off four and a half minutes ago.
Oh wow, I can go to the Pentagon? Well apparently not yet, because there's only two places available to visit: Their boss's kitchen, and the room I'm standing in. Damn, I was all ready to go to the Mall too.
It was all an ingenious scheme to frame them, however, and Mr Beautiful was immediately released on a technicality. It seems this guy owes us some answers.
After 7 more minutes of dialogue I've got an even bigger list of people I should visit for reasons I've already forgotten. It doesn't matter though, the only place I can go is Mr Beautiful's speakeasy.
This is apparently Solene Solux, the evil dictator who really wants our heroes dead for reasons I'm not allowed to know yet. And this cutscene is pretty much just her ranting about it. Not really an Oscar winning performance, but she seems to put as much effort into reading the lines as the game deserves.
It's seems a bit cruel somehow to criticise the 3d rendered characters in a game that came out before Toy Story, but it's like the modeller got up to texturing the lower half of the torso and just got bored with it. I'm sure they could have fixed that yellow smear across her side by dragging a couple of points or painting over a handful of pixels.
Apparently the real Cynna was an explosives expert (and apparently a hologram expert) who eventually blew herself up. Fortunately her incorporeal doppelgänger has all of her skills.
Hey, haven't you been standing next to the guy for the last hour? You only just now recognised him?
But first, I want to take... this pool cue! The golden rule of point and click adventures is to take every single item you see, and this thing is way too obvious not to be important. Plus it's the only thing I've seen to pick up in ages and I'm bored.
He won't let me take the cue and he won't let me talk to Mr Beautiful until I can tell him the code. The text entry box pops up again and waits for me to enter something, but this time I'm clueless. I doubt 'sesame' is going to work twice, so I'm going to have to ask around in the bar for hints.
Explosives probably won't work here though. In fact, I actually found a drink and that didn't even work. I chatted with everyone in the bar and I still couldn't figure out this password. In the end I had to look up what the code was. Turns out that woman had actually told me what it was, I just didn't realise it... Condemnation; in that lies his essence, and his password.
Oh damn, it's Dennis Hopper! Well that could explain why the game looks so cheap, it might have taken a fair amount of money to hire him during the same year he was starring in 'Speed'.
Rachel quite sensibly points out that this is stupid, pointless, and stupid. But Gideon's totally up for it, and drags her along.
Nah, I'm joking, I don't actually care.
But I see a truck full of weapons! Finally, a chance to fill my inventory with something. So far this game has been all chat, and no items, and every puzzle has involved figuring out a password. Maybe now I can use something on something to actually achieve something.
Okay, there's a demon with a gun, and there are people chained to torture racks, so I guess I'm here to do something involving them. Damn, it's no good, I honestly can't remember what I was told to do. I'm going to have to check the replay and skim through that last conversation I had.
I found a woman offering me a lockpick augmentation for only $6000, but I only have $1000. Exactly. So that's going to have to wait. Plus the way she keeps waving her left arm around is really off putting.
This guy is... actually I have no idea. He offers to let us sleep at his secret base as long as we kill sinister tyrannical dictator Solene Solux first. Sounds like a fair deal to me, considering she tried to kill us first, even though it means I've got something ELSE to add to my list of things I'm supposed to be doing.
I went off to see if I could get the assassination over with quickly, but that road let straight to another text entry box asking me to type in the correct name. I think I'll leave that for now.
Apparently a plague of virtual locusts (just like in the Bible, they helpfully point out) is sweeping across computers, shredding memory. They seem like a natural cyber-phenomenon, a microburst wind-shear creating an info-vacuum. Apparently.
No. Fucking. Clue.
It's just conversations leading to conversations leading to passwords, and it's fair to say that most of the voice actors I'm chatting to aren't quite at Dennis Hopper's level. Plus I'm not even doing the chatting! At best I get to go through a list of questions and then choose 'Yes/No/End conversation' when they ask me to do something. Plus the music sucks.
But there's one last thing I need to do before I turn this off...
It didn't end well for either of them.