Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Doctor Who - Dalek Attack (MS-DOS)

Hmm, I think an adventure game would make perfect sense for this license. Though I know this isn't one, because I've played it before... in the distant past.

Why is he winking at the camera? In space.

Planet Skaro, the monochrome planet. That Dalek on the left apparently got bored of listening to the speech and is just staring off into space instead, daydreaming.

They really could have done with a few more colours there. This isn't the Game Boy version.

Possibly the lamest explosions ever seen in a video game?

The Doctor seems to be sliding out the side of the frame. And his sidekick... has a nice action pose.

Wow, what's this place? Wherever it is, poor player two ends up left stranded here because I'm playing a one player game.

Two words I never want to see together in a game.

C'mon Daleks, give me a second to figure out what I'm doing, k? I need to figure out the controls.

Also, why am I riding a hover thing in the sewers?

They're shooting me from off screen now! That's just not fair, how am I supposed to dodge that?

Well I've escaped the Daleks at least. Now I can slow down and evade these enemies. Little mutant fish things leap out after me too, and I haven't had much luck dodging any of them.

It seems the picture in the bottom left works as a health bar. When I collide with an enemy, I constantly drain life until I move away, so I can lose all my health very fast.

Okay okay, I'll speed up! Look, I'm moving to the right!

Moving to the left of the screen gets the Daleks on my back, and going too far right speeds the level up so I can't dodge things, so I'm trying to stay in the middle.

And then a fucking boss appears out of the MIDDLE OF THE SCREEN, and I've lost most of my health before I can react.

He seems to have a simple enough routine, the two heads each fire a shot a moment apart, then wait a second, then fire another pair of shots. I have to dive down between shots, shoot them with a laser bolt, then get back up. It's awkward though, because this hover thing has inertia screwing up my timing.

It's easy enough to do, I'm sure of it, it's just a pain in the ass. It's a really boring boss fight.

Okay, after a few more runs of the sewers I finally beat the boss, and escape... TO THE SURFACE! Where things don't smell of raw sewage.

Holy shit, everyone's shooting everywhere and I don't know who is shooting who! Also, why is the sky purple?

Oh wow, the Doctor jumps like Mario. I just need to find somewhere I can rest for a moment and get my head around this.

Are any of these people on my side? What do the lightning bolts do? Oh wow McDonalds is having a sale on Coca Cola?

Instinctively I hit escape to pause and bring up the menu. And now I can rest for a few moments.
Now then, lets continue.

Escape quits back to to the title screen. I've lost all my progress.

Thank fuck for that! Next game.

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