Altered Beast (Genesis/Mega Drive)

Altered Beast apparently came out for more or less everything, from ZX Spectrum to Xbox 360, but I've always thought of it as being a Mega Drive game, and that's the version I'll be playing.

This mysterious ghostly wizard apparently doesn't have many friends, because he's had to resort to raising the dead to get any help. He's also a very flickery wizard so I had to combine a couple of frames to get him looking right.

It says 'Stella' on the gravestone, so I'm just going to assume that's what our hero's called.

Two seconds after rising from my grave, and I'm already fighting the forces of evil. Did these guys follow the wizard here to stop my rescue attempt before it's even begun? Or is this graveyard just a hangout for zombies?

Stella's not so bad in a fight. His first punch knocks their head off, the second makes them explode. The screen constantly auto-scrolls to the right, but it pushes the hero along with it. I don't even have to bother walking if I don't want to, so far I'm doing fine just pressing the punch button.

Altered Beast (Arcade)

Shockingly the arcade version looks a little prettier, and is more of a challenge. It plays the same, but there's more things jumping at me and beating the crap out of me.

There's a jump button, but not much call for jumping. I'm getting lots of use out of the punch and kick buttons though.

"POWER UP!"

Great, the power up tore my bloody vest. How am I supposed to fight evil like this? I look ridiculous.

The power up has given me more powerful attacks. But that doesn't do me much good when I screw up the timing and get pounced on by an evil dog.

Oh so there is a way to attack upwards... by pressing downwards and kick.

Oh damn, that's just wrong. I collected another power up and now his fists are bigger than his head.

Damn, I needed to hit that blue dog to get the next power up. Also I think I might have just lost my last hit point.


SOON.

Aha, now my enemies shall know the wrath of my ULTIMATE FORM!

Suddenly, this guy appears in my way, and says "Welcome to your doom!" Then he crackles with electricity for a bit so I can't get close to him.

Even my super upgraded projectile punch attacks aren't hurting this guy. What am I supposed to do here?

Oh, I see! He was just here to summon this thing. Well, uh, okay then.

FLYING BURNING KICK! This upgraded attack seems to be doing the trick, so I'll just keep darting back and forth like this until he's dead. No need to drag strategy or skill into this when button mashing gets the job done.


EVENTUALLY.

The enemy disappears in a puff of smoke and my victory is complete. My reward... all my power ups are taken away! Then he laughs at me, what an asshole.

Level 2 looks a bit unpleasant, with goop hanging from everything. I'm back to my starting form (even my vest has been restored), but I doubt this purple thing's going to be much of a threat.

AGH! It's on my head! It's on my head! How to I get it off, there's no 'punch face' button!

Well that could have gone better.

Awesome, a blue dog! Now I can get a power up... ugh. I'm crap at this.

In my defence, I'm not exactly giving it my full attention. I'm just sort of coasting through it until I run out of lives because the game's been boring the hell out of me from the start to be honest.

Excellent, I've collect three power ups and I'm back to my werewolf form... no wait, I'm a lizard now?

I'm a dragon! A flying dragon with electricity attacks! Let's see you jump on my head now you little purple bastard.

Oh I see how this works. The boss with the giant head fired heads at me, the boss with the giant eye fires eyes...

I'm not even going to bother trying to dodge them though, I'm just going fly right into it and electrocute it to death. I'd like to get this over with as quickly as possible.

Oh SHIT! Too many eyes!

Damn, I honestly thought I was close to winning that fight. But at least I've finally found something I like about the game... the game over music.


Well, that's Altered Beast then. It's not really my kind of thing. Next game.