Future Cop L.A.P.D. (PC) - Guest Post

People say that there isn't enough mecha in mecha-neko monday. That changes today.

In the year 2098, crime is rampant in the city of Los Angeles.

The L.A.P.D. deploys the X1-Alpha, a transforming bipedal robot good at exactly one thing.

Blowing the crap out of anything that moves.

"This is the L.A.P.D., put down your..."

SHWOOOOM SHWOOOOM. RATTA-TATTA-TATTA-TATTA-TATTA-TATTA-TATTA.

Someone threw a tomato at the X1 and it got angry.

10-97 ARRIVED ON SCENE... Level 1: Griffith Park!

There's some guy I need to deal with, marked by the green arrow on the radar. Beyond that, I'll look around.

All these guys are targets according to the radar, so I guess I shoot them...? They could be on my side!

"Crowd control!" beams the mission control lass, clearly having the time of her life. I'd prefer to resolve this peacefully, but they're starting to fire lasers at me. Open fire! Miniguns everywhere!

Guys keep pouring out of every nearby doorway and this APC. They're on foot, and I have a 30ft tall killing machine. Why won't they surrender? Haven't they seen RoboCop? (Or, come to think of it, maybe they have.)

After clearing out the car park, I decide to check the map. I immediately regret that decision as the map is useless. It shows me roughly where enemies are (they're everywhere) and what colour the ground is. The game pauses while I'm in the map, which is always good.

So off I go, green triangle-wards. If the mecha locks onto something, I fire a bit of everything at it. If I'm not supposed to shoot something, I trust that the game will give me plenty of advance warning.

It's a big thingamajig! Kinda looks like one of the large, immobile alien turrets from Body Harvest!

Too bad, you thing! You're no match for my mighty missiles and my nifty strafing!

The robot controls really well. I was intimidated at first because the controls screen lists about 20 different actions you need to assign. You can freely assign the four move directions, the left and right turn and the three fire buttons to any button you want, but you're not going to get very far with the keyboard alone. I used my PlayStation pad and everything worked perfectly! It is nice to play a game with freely reconfigurable controls.

Corridors full of enemies? Not any more!

This music simply screams 'giant killer cop robot stomps around boxy houses and blows the crap out of everything'. Have a listen! (YouTube link)

This thing is spewing toxic gas! It's gotta go!

BANG! I hope that thing wasn't a water purifier. It's probably fine!

That used to be a thing, now it's NOT A THING. BANG!

Did you notice that the X1 has a flashing police lightbar on the top. It flashes red and blue! Like a police car! Wheee!

Super rare footage of the X1 Alpha being used to help somebody!

The L.A.P.D. truck speeds up to the door, the people get in, the truck speeds off again. The whole thing takes less than a minute. That's an escort mission.

You'd think the game would fall apart if you took the robot into close quarters, but the designers have thought of everything. If you take the robot near a wall, the camera moves up and out to show you what's in front.

There's a few selectable camera modes on top of this. Groovy.

The X1 can jump up small obstacles, so in situations like this you can wander about on the walls of the level to avoid being trapped in the narrow passageways. The level doesn't become inaccessible behind you, either.

I don't know what this thing was, but it was in my way.

It's the boss! He's in a flying saucer. Little does he know that robots always beat flying saucers!

CRASSSSH! And the boss is toast, opening the way to the next part of the level and a well-deserved armour pickup!

I'm starting to get a little concerned now. The ammo pickups so far have been very infrequent. The enemies don't drop anything of use, and the robot chews through minigun bullets as if they were minigun bullets.

Even when I'm lost in a place with no distinguishing features like this, the radar shows the major objective, as well as any useful switches. All I need to do is find a lift or box small enough for me to jump on it so I can get higher.

Phew. I'll stay up here and use my 'special weapon', a ridiculously difficult to use and inaccurate mortar strike. It's the only weapon that doesn't lock on. Lock on... bah. You know, if the robot simply had a laser sight out of it, and the camera was lower down, I could do the aiming myself! I'm really good at that kind of thing! I have to settle for pressing fire every time the robot indicates it's locked on to something (usually just offscreen).

No ammo and I'm dead. Oh well, never mind. I'll just retry the level...

And I'm back to the very start? I just defeated a BOSS! That's where you're supposed to put a CHECKPOINT!

AAARRRGH! You had it all, game, you had it all! A killer robot! Responsive and reconfigrable controls! A good camera! I was even willing to over the lock-on, given that it's a mecha.

And then you had to make it so that the levels were over an hour long without checkpoints.

You stupid, stupid idiots.