A.P.B. (Lynx)

Already I'm starting to get the feeling this might have something to do with driving police cars.

Right, collect two cones, got it. Nice music by the way.

It seems to be a top down GTA style driving game. Only I have to arrest cones instead of shooting people.

Helpfully the game scrolls a message along the bottom of the screen explaining exactly how someone would arrest a cone. Pressing the siren button changes my crosshair into text with the power to instantly arrest any cone it touches.

But I didn't let the power go to my head. I got my two cones and headed straight back to base, ignoring everything else on the track.

The boss mumbles incoherent praise while Officer Bob just grins.

I have to admit that I was not expecting to hear voice samples from a Lynx game, even if it is just mumbled noises.

Time for my first real mission. I have to save someone in trouble and arrest eight litterbugs.

I don't know what those buildings are meant to be, but they keep pushing rings out into the street and making me swerve out of the way into traffic. Shame I can't arrest buildings.

Hey, that's got to be a person in trouble! I've just gotta stop the car and get myself turned the right way to point the crosshair at him. Which wouldn't be so bad except I really don't have the time to screw around like this.

So wrecking the car counts as a demerit then? Fine, just add it on to my demerit count, deduct it from my score or whatever, and let me get moving! I don't have time to suffer the consequences of my failures dammit!

I arrive back at base with one second to spare! Unfortunately I didn't actually arrest a single litterbug.

Okay I admit, I quit the quota screen without checking what a litterbug actually looked like. I though they'd be obvious to spot!

My almost complete failure to do my job pushes my demerit count to ten, which is apparently too much. Too much for to collect a bonus maybe?

What the fuck man? Ten demerits gets me fired, cuffed, and thrown into the back of van?

Plus that bastard takes my car!


ONE TRAINING LEVEL LATER.

Being fired apparently ends the game, so I had to start again from the beginning. But this time I know what I'm looking for.

For fuck's sake! I was just about to arrest the guy, when the building suddenly throws a ring into the street ahead of me! I couldn't dodge in time, so I was hit.

Wait, the ring is a doughnut? An extra time doughnut? These things I've been trying to avoid for the entire last level are extra time pick ups?

In my defence it was a narrow street and I'm trying to arrest him, not ram him.

When I try to arrest the wrong car, they just shout a voice sample like "get lost" at me then ignore me. The innocent do not fear Officer Bob.

A.P.B. (Arcade)

The arcade version of the game is actually very similar. Except taller. I think they've done a good job porting it over, even the voice samples are the same.

Damn, I was kinda hoping this would be a gas station. I've got 5 litterbugs left to catch, but only a third of a tank left to find them.


SEVERAL REPLAYS LATER.

I wish the game would give me some clue where the gas station is. Or even what it looks like. This level isn't exactly a maze, but it does branch off onto different streets and it'd be nice to know which route to take.

I can get more time, I can catch crooks, I've even stopped accidentally driving into doughnut shops and blowing them up, but now I run out of gas before I can finish.


MORE REPLAYS LATER.

Level 3! Funny story, turns out that the building I thought was a gas station but wasn't, actually was a gas station. I'd just parked in the wrong place.


Now I've got to chase down and catch Freddy Freak, who apparently drives around on a mattress.

Hell yeah, let's go arrest some, uh, honkers.

The demerit count carries on between levels, so I was pretty much screwed before I began. Even touching another car counts as a demerit, so this guy driving into me was enough to end the game.


Next game.