Cave Story (PC)

Known in Japan as Doukutsu Monogatari. Probably. I'm just reading what's on the title screen. Surprisingly good music by the way.

The PC version of the game is entirely free, though I did have to grab the Aeon Genesis fan translation so that I could play it in English. I know those rules in that box on the right say I never play fan translations, but I'm going to make an exception this time. Because I feel like it.

I'm sure there's a perfectly rational explanation for everything in this screenshot, but the game isn't interested in letting me in on it. Not yet anyway.

Is this the guy from that last screenshot? I'm going to guess no. That guy seemed more like a sinister mastermind type, but this one just sits whining to 'Sue' via computer about how he's lost and needs help.

Excellent, I've been given a character to control, a health refill machine and a save point.

Whoa, this guy does not like spikes. That's it then, I've got no lives or continues. It's game over and back to the last save point.

Nice game over music though.

At least I know now that I can't jump on enemies to kill them. This fact, combined the marked bricks blocking my path, leads my keen deductive mind to conclude that I'm probably going to have to go find a weapon.

Either way, I've only got one path left now. That door with the disk next to it is the starting room, so I'm going to head past it the left. Back to the hill, with the spikes.

I really hate these spikes.


SOON.

I did it! I made it past the spikes and the bats and I've doubled my health bar.

Well... I guess I should probably go back past the spikes now and up the hill again to save.

At the end of the path was a house, with a gunsmith living inside. I found a pistol in the room, but the guy is asleep so I can't ask him about it. My only option is to steal the poor guy's gun, and hope he isn't murdered by the bats next time he goes out shopping.

As punishment for my crime I had to sit through another cutscene of the green haired guy stuck at his PC trying to contact Sue again.

Hey, these guys drop health or experience points when I shoot them! Well, I'd be an idiot to leave through that door without getting up to level 2 at least.

I'll just go duck inside the save room to reset the enemies in this cave, so I can come back and shoot them all again.

What the hell? This door just stole my level! There are many cruel things a video game can do, but stealing a player's level is one of the most heartless. It just ain't right to steal a player's character progress like that.

This door's gonna die screaming for that. Or die creaking maybe, I don't know what noises evil doors make when they're killed.

I don't know if the game's trying to make me curious or concerned for this guy, but they're going about it the wrong way.

It's like having a tv that keeps automatically skipping over to the 'miserable guy stuck in a room' channel when I'm trying to play my action platformer game.

Hey, these people know Sue! The green haired guy isn't totally unrelated to the story!

The guy on the left wants 'the key', and the girl (Toroko) on the right won't give it up because she's trying to protect Sue. Apparently he's actually concerned for Toroko's safety, worried that 'the Doctor' will come, and if he can't find Sue he'll kidnap her instead. I interrupt the conversation by crashing down from the ceiling, giving the Toroko a chance to escape.

I'm going to make a wild guess that the guy at the start with the spiky green hair in the doctor's coat might be the Doctor.

For some reason I keep expecting to see lemmings wandering across the landscape. There's just something about these graphics that reminds me of the game.

This area seems pretty huge and I started off near the middle of it, so without any better ideas about where to go I think I'll head... left.

The doorway led to a reservoir and I found a shiny thing in the water.

Damn, I can barely jump when I'm in the water, so I can't leap back out the way I came. 36% air left and I'm stuck taking the long way out.

No I haven't! What the hell are you talking about? Unless this guy breathes with his feet I don't see how I didn't make it out in time.

Oh crap, I didn't save since before crashing into that cutscene earlier...

Now I have to sit through this guy complaining again on his computer. I'm sure you know the feeling.

Though it doesn't seem so bad now I know how plot driven the game is though. I'm filled with renewed hope that there might actually be a point to this.

LATER.

Oops, I gave the locket to Toroko (I was just checking each door in turn, I didn't know she'd be hiding here), and it turns out that it was Sue's locket. So now these henchmen think that she's Sue, and have come to kidnap her... in a bubble for some reason.

Now I'm stuck fighting a boss fight against the nefarious lunchbox.

I managed to defeat lunchbox with 1 hit point left! Actually I spent half the damn fight with only 1 hit point, I was doing terrible. I'm shocked I won actually.

Visiting every door I could find in turn eventually got me to the graveyard, filled with zombies (or ghosts, I can't tell) that gave me zero xp for killing them. But hey, I found a second key to Sue's hideout from the grave of the previous owner, the legendary hero Arthur. I didn't bring a spade, so I'm going to assume it was taped to the back of the headstone or something.

Finally I unlock Arthur's house, where Sue's supposed to be hiding out. Very flashy. Actually I think the whole game looks great, I love this art. Shame the water isn't animated too though.

Sue's nowhere to be found, but the PC's got the messages left by the guy with the green hair. Plus an option to permit teleportation to the 'Egg Corridor'. Well it sounds more interesting than jumping around outside trying to find another door that isn't locked.

I found another one of those rabbit people, but they got beaten up and dragged away by the monster. I was all ready to jump in and rescue them, but no mid-cutscene heroics are allowed.

Cthulhu? Looks more like a guy in a monster outfit.

I've managed to get another +3 heart health booster along the way, and this house should lead to another one, but unless I can find a way to shoot upwards to break through those bricks I can't have it.

Huh, he can shoot upwards! Could he always shoot upwards? He can shoot downwards too, this changes everything!

No seriously, this totally changes how I'm playing. Now I can jump into battle instead of trying to keep my distance and shooting from the sides.

This game's really become a lot more interesting to me on this level.

The PC over on the right of the doorway mentioned something about checking terminals for a way to deactivate a shield blocking my path, but the terminals seem completely useless.

Two of them mention that the egg they're monitoring is abnormal, so I should probably go... look at an egg or something. Maybe if I shoot them, a mutated Sky Dragon baby will explode out and instinctively tear apart the shield generators. You know, because shield generators make an annoying hum... or something.

Ew, I found my way inside one of the abnormal eggs, and it was entirely empty except for a treasure chest. Inside the chest was an id card. Now I've got to go find the other abnormal egg and use whatever's inside that with this card. Ew.

Who the hell would stash this stuff in an abnormal egg anyway?

With the shield down I'm finally able to confront the monster that was roughing up the poor rabbity thing.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I found a rocket launcher and maxed out its level. Oh, I forgot to mention that the level refers to the weapon I'm holding, not my character, and it only goes up to level three. Being hit by enemies takes off weapon experience as well as health, so that's why I level down'd at that evil door at the start. So the games really wasn't so cruel after all.

Oh, I also forgot to mention that this rocket launcher has very limited ammo and I'm almost out now. Time to get my ass kicked again.

Heroic rescue complete! Another unlikely victory against incredible odds. The rescuee is less than grateful though.

But it seems that if I could just find the password to this computer we could hatch a sky dragon egg and use it to finally escape the island! Also, apparently I'm on an island.

Oh also, it is revealed that the person I rescued was Sue, computer guy's sister and apparent center of this game's universe! Brother and sister have a happy online reunion where he asks for help and complains about being hungry, and she hangs up on him.

But by the time I get back to the house the townsfolk have already dragged her away to trade to the Doctor to get Toroko back. The plot thickens... but I'm going to stop playing here.


I wasn't that impressed at first, but this has started to win me over. I'd say if you're an old school run and gun action-adventure platformer fan, and you haven't given this a go yet, it might be worth giving this a go.

You can grab your very own copy of Cave Story for free right now from this fan site.