Monday, 4 July 2011

The Battle of Olympus (NES)

This looks like a strategy game. And it's making me wait way too long before I can press Start.

It begins with dramatic music over a dull map screen. It won't let me select anything, so I guess I'm going to Arcadia.

Our tale begins at the multi-storey log cabins of Arcadia. It must be easier to build good solid houses out of blocky trees.

Whoa, these houses are much bigger on the inside. This is only one floor too.

I don't know who I am or what I'm trying to do, but I expect this Staff of Fennel will be important at some point. I'll make a mental note of that.

Okay, find Staff, search for spirit in Peloponnesus, I'm making a mental note...

Whatever, fine, I'll keep an eye out for it. Couldn't one of these doors have a shop in it or something?

That's it, I'm going to stop going into these doors. Every one leads to another bloody NPC giving me another bloody hint. I still don't even know what I'm meant to be doing.

I've found some enemies, and they're annoying little bastards. It seems that I can only kill them when they're falling out from the trees. Once they're on the ground my club will just not hit them, even when they're jumping.

And when I try to jump over them, they jump up and hit me.

Hey there's a door in a tree. That's totally going to lead somewhere interesting and not just put me in a room with an NPC telling me that's there's a sword of +3 in Rome or whatever.

Well it does actually lead somewhere potentially interesting. But I can't go there because it's too dangerous.

I guess this wasn't the right way to go either. This tree is blocking my path and I can't jump up the one in the background.


LATER.


Another NPC. The Staff of Fennel huh? Hey, that's the thing that the first NPC mentioned!

What a stroke of luck, apparently all that walking has put me exactly where I need to be to find the staff.

Uh... there's a little purple bear with a spear and he's just staring at me.

When I walk back he follows me for a bit, then stops. Stops to stare at me again.

Son of a bitch! When I walked forward he threw his spear then ran away!

Another little bastard Ewok. Well he's not getting me this time. I'm going to jump down here and see where it leads.

Oh. It apparently leads to the hero's death. Fortunately it seems like he might have infinite continues.

Wait, my two options are 'continue ' or 'retry'? Don't they mean the same thing?

I decided to go down the slow way this time. Fortunately that yellow satyr down there turned out to be much easier to kill than the other enemies so far. Plus enemies can drop health, so I'm getting my hit points back.

I still haven't found a shop or an inn yet. Just people giving me hints.

Well, the yellow guys were easier, until they started to team up with scorpions.

Thanks but I don't care.

Still don't care.

Huh, I have to prove I'm Rad? Oh right, that's what I named my character. Well I don't even know who I am so I definitely can't prove my identity to anyone else.

Well so far my quest has been a total failure, but hey maybe the next door will have the Staff of Fennel inside.

Hey, someone knows who I am! I would rescue your kid, but without directions there's no way I'll ever find them, sorry.

Wait, she's offering a staff as a reward! THE staff perhaps? I must find this vampire.

Uh, are you a vampire? No? Any chance you could point me towards the vampire then?

Fine, I'll just keep searching then. It would be really nice to have a map and a journal in this to keep track of where I've been and what I'm doing. Even if I manage to find the vampire and rescue the child, there's no way I'll remember where the woman with the staff lives.


LATER.


This creature seems to be putting up a good fight, firing arrows for me to jump over. I hope that's a sign that I'm getting somewhere.

Well, I can't be bothered making my way back here from the last checkpoint.


Next game.

5 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. What an asswipe... You get a boner from replying like that under an anonymous name?...shitface.

      Delete
    2. Please don't do this. I'm not just picking on you, I'm talking generally to everyone reading the comments. I don't plan on moderating the site beyond clearing up spam and any real nastiness, so it's inevitable there's going to be some rubbish comments lying around aimed at me and that's fine as long as it doesn't escalate and get people throwing insults at other visitors, who get people throwing insults at them, and etc. Leave them be, they're just passing thoughts from years ago preserved on a server like a bug caught in amber.

      Besides I like to pretend that every Anonymous comment on the site is from one person with wildly different opinions each week and a ton of games they want to request.

      Delete
  2. The first thing you have to do when playing this game is to go to Zeus' temple while in Arcadia. When you talk with him, he will call the other Gods to tell them of your story.

    ~Ben

    ReplyDelete

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