Hey everybody, I'm playing something that isn't Captain America related!
This makes this William Shatner's TekWar The Game of The TV Series of The Books. "The Ultimate in 3-D Gaming Action"! (MobyGames link)
"I'm William Shatner, sometimes known as Walter Bascom, in a future I created called 'TekWar'. Welcome to Capstone and prepare to witness the 'Tek'nology of the future, today, in 'TekWar: The Game' on CD-ROM."Thanks, FMV Bill!
"It's simple. TekChip, TekHeadset. TekUser, TekFantasy. Tantalising. But only for a while... for here are some 'TekRealities'. Addiction, criminal penalties, neural damage, death."
Tek: Serious Business.
So... Tek is some kind of unique gizmo that connects to your brain and lets you experience any fantasy you want? And this is in a world where there's cyberspace interface crap going on all around you anyway? Sounds like they really just need to do to Tek is make it work.
I can only imagine that they must have been awestruck by the possibilities of having over six hundred megabytes on a single disc!! And then they struggled to think of things to put on it and couldn't afford any more William Shatner time. The animation would have been useful as a form of instructions... if you didn't have to have the disc inserted into the computer to run the animation in the first place.
(Yes, kids, this is what computers used to look like.)
I'll leave this on while I get myself a cuppa.
There's some rendered robot men and an FMV video woman on a space station beeping at each other.
Bill, where are you!? What's going on? Why am I here?
"I suppose you're wondering why you're here."YES.
"It's simple. You're the best. At least I think you are."Oh, stop! You're making me blush! Anyway, he wants me to investigate some guys who are trying to use cyber-jiggers to broadcast a signal and get everybody addicted to Tek. And also to find out who stole his set.
Is this the character select or the level select? And how many minutes did they spend drawing the F.C.I. crest? They must have drawn the wings, then got bored of that and did the background gradients, then got bored of THAT and just went wild with the polygon tool.
The game won't let me to into the MATRIX without a 'Symbol', so I'm going to have a go at apprehending the first of my digitised adversaries, Marty Dollar.
FMV Bill wants me to head to Midtown and help him find Marty Dollar. There's a map to the left, but it's useless because it doesn't have any place names on it. Let's get to wandering, as usual.
And then I suddenly slide off her, land in the train tracks and instantly die. But it's okay! I've got infinite lives, but they're really just checkpoints.
My gun isn't very good. I hold it steady on him for five seconds and he eventually gets the message. He's not the only one who was shooting me though.
As it turns out, I needn't have bothered.
Build engine, lad. It's not easy making trains, is it?
This is one of the better looking corridors I've found.
Ugh, I'm bored and lost. I found an ugly building with some ugly people inside. There was a door but I needed a blue keycard, and there was another building where I needed the red keycard. It was very exciting.
"You blew it! Marty is still on the loose. The death toll is rising. I've got half of City Hall clamouring to send you back to Cryo, and I'm half tempted to do it! Now get back out there and get me results!"I don't quite remember massacreing everybody, but I did let Marty get away. Sorry, FMV Bill.
How about one more go? Level 3, Carlyle Rossi.
Is he shooting me? I can't tell. He's probably getting shot by somebody behind me.
How did I end up hitting the one on the right when I was aiming for the one in the middle?
I'm trying my best to be careful because I don't want to let Bill down again. If this is just a nervous bystander, I don't want to kill him.
Bang! Right in the ketchup!
Yes, I got stuck again. I tried entering the building, there was a keycard door there. I tried looking around but all I found were weapons and bystanders.
"I don't believe it! Rossi should be taking a long nap and you should be celebrating. Instead he's out celebrating and I'm trying to explain why you shouldn't be going back to the icetray. You should have had him and you let him get away. About the only thing you got right was not getting anybody killed. Well at least the press won't be hounding me for you being trigger happy."Didn't kill anyone. Good enough for me.
TekWar is bad. When I play a game, I really try to be optimistic and identify the good bits of the game. Sometimes, a game is so close to being good, it's painful to see the few flaws ruin the game. TekWar is not like that. It's not entertaining because you don't know where you're supposed to go and I kept getting shot by enemies I couldn't see. If you want to see the FMVs, you can play the files off the disc or watch them on the internet. Spoiler: they're William Shatner saying things.
Don't play TekWar.