I'll give you a clue: they wanted a tough name. This is a man who Gets Things Done. Nobody messes with this guy.
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Alright. Time's up.
He's called Jack Hard.
"It should have been just another tourist trip for Jack Hard, but instead he is caught up in a global conspiracy."
I wonder if that's Jack talking about himself in the third person on the back of the box there like an idiot.
SHOGO started off with just a text screen now.
"Jack. Hammerson. JACK. Hammerson. JACK. You have to... tell him. What's THAT?"
It sounds like something dramatic is supposed to be happening here, but it's not showing up on screen. It's a pre-rendered video, so it's not a glitch. They just missed out the part where it shows what's going on.
Best guess, Hammerson hired ace diving dude Mr. J. Hard to find a submarine. They found it, but then Hammerson was grabbed by something too expensive to animate. And then JACK. JACK.
Like all secret underwater bases, it's programmed to immediately lower all defenses upon spotting an intruder and give them a warm welcome.
There's some CIA agent fellow talking on the radio. It's apparently very important that I get in contact with Hammerson again. Let's look for Hammerson!
Jack talks a bit like he's half asleep or he's just had some dental work done. Maybe the fast descent messed with his head. Maybe the shock of seeing his poor boat lying on the ocean floor caused his tongue to swell up suddenly.
Looks Like We're Going To Have To Work Together says the CIA man. He gets to sit in a cushy room and tell me all sorts of lies about there being an escape boat 'just ahead', while I have to kill a million people in the dark without a weapon of any kind.
One shot to the head each and the bogeys are down. Smashing.
Hard's voice is slowly transforming from some kind of hick character into Bruce Willis. Not quite as good as the fake McClane from Die Hard: Nakatomi Plaza. I don't understand how Jack's voice actor can deliver some of these lines as bizarrely as he does. Is Jack supposed be drunk? The CIA guy's a lot better.
As you might've guessed, finding the enemies isn't easy. I should thank their boss for making them wear fluorescent glow in the dark safety strips on their uniforms.
The right mouse button aim only zooms in the screen a teeny bit. Speaking of zoom; this game seems to use a very strange field of view. I'm convinced it's (permanently) set to something ridiculously narrow.
The only explanation I can think of for all these men and explosive barrels being down here is that they were just about to blow up the 'let everybody in' part of the base, but I got here just in time to do their work for them. That can't possibly come back to bite me later, can it? It's not as if the 'let everybody in' bit would double as a 'let Jack out of the burning base' bit, is it?
They're firing harpoons at me! Argh! Do something, Jack!
I've got harpoons too? Infinite harpoons? When did that happen?!
The enemies seem to be perfectly timed to be as annoying as possible. Just when it looks safe, some more enemies run out from behind the furthest corner.
It's quite a feat for this game to seem to be so well-made and so shoddy simultaneously.
Come to think of it, these have all be perfectly linear corridors so far. Every time I've entered a room, the exit has always been right in front of me. It seems like years ago I was doing laps of Hybrid's snowfield trying to find secret doors.
I'm surprised at how little our Jack has wisecracked. He hasn't cracked wise once through the entire game! He's hardly spoken at all, in fact. All he cares about is finding a way out of the base.
There's only a couple of enemy character voices as well. Hardly a problem. It makes it clear who the enemy are, and they're so daft it stops the player from taking the game too seriously.
This boss is taking a lot of hits. I'm pretty sure I'm scoring lots of headshots with the Desert Eagle, but it's hard to tell if I'm having any effect. He got stuck at some point, fell down to ground level and then refused to take another step. Don't think that's supposed to happen. Too bad for him!
Eventually, after I've exhausted all my weapons, he dies. He's dropped his cyber gun! I'll just run over and...
Oh, it's appeared in my hands anyway. Okie dokie, then. Better than it falling through the ground forever.
The boss' cyber gun isn't very good. The primary fire fires those stupid useless balls. The second fire charges up and fires a very slow moving orb that can toss people up into the air. If you're lucky. If you're not lucky, it just passes right through the enemies harmlessly.
Walking beside seven-hundred foot wide centrifuges spinning at a hundred RPM. It lights up the room and everything as it spins, it does. Very clever.
As are the enemies, who keep magically appearing on the top of this thing while I'm trying to climb it. They've got a plan to stop me getting any further, too. If they fall off into the arms of the centrifuge as they die, there's no chance of me picking up their ammo.
You'll just have to play the game yourself to find out! (But don't actually do that.)
I'd play more, but a quick look at the files indicates that I'm on level 04 of 07. If I get any further, I'll end up winning it. Now that I know the exact route to take, I'd say a competent player could win most of these levels in a matter of minutes.
So the voices are crap, there's hardly any music, the guns are crap, there's no ammo, the levels are tiny, the game's short and everything's very, very dark. Stupid fun nevertheless, if you can stand the difficulty.
Red Ocean is the slightly surreal world of the cheap FPS updated for the new millennium, complete with magic special effects and realistic physics. Who needs crap like Navy SEALs when you've got working games like Die Hard: Nakatomi Plaza, and who needs that when you've got Red Ocean!
I'd recommend you play it... if I didn't have to give the game minus a million billion points for trying to install something called 'ProtectDisc Drivers' when I clicked on the game exe after installation. I don't know what it does. It could do -anything-. Anything at all. Nothing good, no doubt.
AND the game didn't like my dual monitor set up.
Now I must reinstall my OS to get rid of this evil nonsense. For you.