Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Beauty and the Beast (NES)

It's making an attempt at the theme song, but it's not quite there. For one thing I don't remember the original music having drums.

I'm not sure having the text scroll across the bottom of the screen like a news feed really captures the fairytale feel.

What's the deal with all those little squares around the rose?

And now it has totally given up on the movie soundtrack, and gone with standard NES platformer music instead.

Oh, is this just the same as that Mega Drive version? Because if it is I can just quit now and play something else.

Beauty and the Beast - Roar of the Beast (Genesis/Mega Drive)
No, it's definitely different. It starts in an entirely different place, the Beast looks and moves differently, there are roses instead of mirrors.

So I'm stuck playing another Beauty and the Beast game then. Yay.

The first enemy in the game is a bat, flying around out of the range of my annoyingly slow punch. That isn't really a good sign.

Why am I fighting bats in my own castle anyway? Don't I hire staff to do this kind of thing?

Actually, instead of punching the bats, why don't I just run away? It's not very dignified, but it's definitely faster. So long, bat!

Man, these things make a sound like a car alarm going off.

Mental note, remember to have wooden dungeon floors checked for rot.

Additional mental note, remember to remove pointless spikes from floor. Replace with soft carpet.

Wow, I was expecting something more along the lines of a Prince of Persia style splat. But no, he just magically disappears leaving only his cape.

So thankfully wherever he ends up, at least he'll have his pants on.

Hey it's a thing! Collecting things does stuff. Or perhaps not, I'm not sure yet.

Oh now I can climb walls? Where was this ability when I was falling down a spike pit earlier?

I should definitely jump over to that chain and grab that petal in a bubble. Petal pickups rejuvenate my magic rose, giving me more time to find true love before my beastly condition is made permanent.


Get it off get it off get it off get it off.

Why is the floor glowing red here? Was the castle built over a pool of lava? Why do I get the feeling that the answer is 'yes'?

Hey it's my little candlestick buddy Lumière.

So, the enchantress turned Lumière into a candlestick, Cogsworth into a clock and Mrs Potts into a teapot. I bet she didn't even originally plan to inflict the curse on these poor innocent people, she just couldn't resist when she realised how perfect their names were

That's interesting, Lumière wandered next to me and the whole room got brighter.

And when I walk away from Lumière the room gets darker. Hmmmm.

Screw you Lumière, I don't even need you!

Hah, took your damn time. I was here ages ago. I could have just left but I wanted to make fun of you for being slow, so I waited for you and.... oh shit the rose is nearly gone!

A magnifying glass pickup?

Hey, it scrolls ahead to show me what obstacles I'm about to face. Which in this case is 'statue heads that breathe fire', and that's it.

I have no idea what that has to do with a magnifying glass. Maybe they were going to draw a telescope icon then someone said "no one will know that's meant to be a telescope, just draw a magnifying glass, people won't notice".

Well I traversed the deadly corridor of fire breathing heads, and now I'm avoiding deadly falling ornaments.

Lots of deadly falling ornaments. Wow, what is up with that staircase? It can't make up its mind whether it wants to go up or down.

Damn, which way do I go? Uh, I'll choose the more difficult route and jump the gap. That seems like the most sensible option.

Now which way do I go? Both paths are equally difficult. I guess I just keep going until I hit a dead end, then turn around and go the other way.

Take that you damn broom. How dare you sweep my carpets?

Wait, that was probably one of my staff transformed into a broom, and I just shattered him into splinters for having the nerve to do his job. Ooops.

Damn, that's a funny way of saying Game Over.

Next game.

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Semi-Random Game Box