Castelian (NES)

I've heard of this one before, by the name Nebulus. Apparently it's also known as 'Tower Toppler', 'Kyorochan Land', and 'that crappy spinning tower game with the frog in it'.

Well that's a bit ominous.

Damn, that's very purple. As I walk the little green thing left to right, the camera spins around the tower to keep him centered on screen. Which seems unusual for a NES game.

Well that's great. I try walking past the doorway, and the floor collapses and kills me. It was entirely identical to the other tiles too.

This time I went into the doorway. That orange eyeball thing is minding its own business, bouncing on the spot, but that blue enemy is constantly moving right, no matter how much I spin the screen. It's like he's stuck to the camera or something.

I guess I should race over and try to get to where I'm going before it gets to me.

Crap, too late!

Okay, this time I made it to the lift, and now I can go through the next door.

Another blue thing. Awesome.

Not fast enough this time, blue thing! You little blue blobby asshole.

I have a kick attack, which fires white balls across the level, so I fired one off at an orange ball and froze it.

Well now I know frozen balls still kill me. Let's try this again.

This time I just ignored the ball and went to the lift on the right.

I broke down a wall with my attack, and now I just need to...

Damn! The ball just made a run for it the minute the wall was gone!

Ah, it's fine. I landed on a lower platform. Now I can go up without that ball in my way.

I've just got to time this right so I make it under the bouncing eyeball.

Son of a BITCH! When I stopped moving he slid backwards into the eyeball. It's not even a ramp, they're STAIRS.

I landed it again, he's not dead! So I head back up the tower. Again.

I make it up the stairs ramp this time and remember to keep moving.

Through the doorway at the top.

Fuck! A ball flies at me when I come out of the door and knocks me off the platform again.

And this time he didn't make it.

Fine! I'll start again from the beginning. But I know how to do it this time, I can fly up this tower in record time and...

Wow. I have to admit, I didn't like this game at first, but as I kept playing I started to hate it. And that hate grew with every fall, and every time I had to jump all the way back up that damn tower. And this is just level one! For all I know I didn't even get halfway up!


I'm never playing that again if I can help it. Next game.