Hurricanes way back in March 2011, but they weren't particularly good words and the sentences were even worse, so I'm giving it a rematch.
The game is based on a cartoon from the mid nineties that I've never actually seen, but that hasn't stopped the theme tune from getting permanently lodged into my brain anyway. So I'll have no clue how closely the game sticks to the series or who any the characters are, but I can at least say with absolute certainty that it doesn't have the right music.
Though as he's issuing the challenge, he gets to throw in a catch that a team arriving late will forfeit the match, and then presumably he'll sabotage every attempt the Hurricanes make to reach the island on time so his own team wins by default! Honestly, I'm starting to wish I was playing as this guy.
There's no Soccer Kid/Marko style tricks though, so I can't bounce on the ball to jump higher, or pull off interesting shots. It's basically just functions as a long, slow, whip.
Hey that crate up there seems to have the Hurricane's logo on it. If I was originally out on this beach to do some training, then that probably has some equipment or supplies for me inside.
Aha, it seems that I just wasn't getting my shots lined up exactly on target. Hitting him with the ball still doesn't kill him, but it at least knocks him down the tree a little. So if I get enough shots to connect I'll be able to bring him down to my level and away from his ammo supply
Alright, lesson learned. Don't fuck with the monkey.
I think he's eyeing that delicious health restoring slice of lemon. Fortunately he forgot to bring a ball so I can just kick him to death with mine from over here. It's okay, it's totally justifiable, he had the means and intent to make me slightly late to a charity football match!
My charge kick should have enough range to take it out from a safe distance I reckon.
Actually there's no time to question the motives of the opposition now, this water's burning through my skin like acid! You know, this island may be hostile to human life at its most elemental level, but it sure looks pretty. This really isn't a bad looking SNES game so far.
None but the immortal monkey, who will taunt me even in the next life.
And that's it. Three lives to last the game, no continues, saves or passwords. You know, I think I'm starting to remember why I didn't write much about this game the first time around. But I ain't gonna give up that easy this time.
Alright now I need to get a good run up for this jump this time and make sure to leap at the last possible moment. There's no run button though, instead the character automatically speeds up after a second or two of walking, which ends up making the game more awkward to control than it needs to be. Our footballer ain't Sonic the Hedgehog, that's for sure.
He hesitates for a moment every time he lands as well now that I think about it, and that annoys me almost as much. It's interfering with my flow!
GAME OVER HURRICANES.
But even that suits me fine because it means I can keep jumping over his head and giving him another kick in the ass without waiting for him to run off the side and go through his full boss routine.
SOON, AFTER MY GLORIOUS TRIUMPH.
It's funny how if you took out the charity match plotline, none of this would play out any different. This footballer put himself in this situation for his own reasons and this is the route he'd take to get back to civilization anyway. Basically, the Hurricanes chose a really shitty beach to visit.
Oh, you might be wondering why my character's hair has changed. The game gives you a choice of two characters to pick from and after drowning the blonde guy at the piranha lake 15,000 times I figured I'd torment the other bloke for a change. As far as I can tell it's made no difference at all to the gameplay. He still has no run button and yo-yo ball issues.
The thing is, I made it to this place by riding a series of moving platforms and they haven't reset. There's no way to get back up.
Man, I can't stand it when video game characters struggle to do something that even I, stuck in the real world and bound by the laws of physics and human limitation, could manage effortlessly. The gap's less than a meter across, just step over it you dumb bastard!
Why does a modern day airport even have floating moving platforms anyway? Why can't they have escalators or something like a sensible airport?
I'm not a big fan of Hurricanes on the SNES and not just because it made me replay everything from the start every three lives, though that certainly helped me build up a good hate for it. Even if it had infinite continues, a world map, heat-seeking explosive homing balls, and a mullet editor, I still wouldn't enjoy it much. I mean it's not a terrible game at all and it's actually pretty slick and well put together at times; there's definitely stuff to like here. But the character movement isn't quite right (the way he keeps pausing and speeding up into a run doesn't help), the level design can be unnecessarily cruel, and I just didn't find the gameplay to be interesting enough to put up with it.
The other football platformers I've played, Soccer Kid and Marko's Magic Football, often managed to be a pain in the ass themselves, with their item hunting levels and bullshit enemies. But they at least made me want to like them and I managed to enjoy them despite the flaws, for a while anyway. But when a game based around a football gimmick can't even capture the simple joy of kicking a football, it's got problems.
NEXT TIME ON SUPER ADVENTURES: I take a second look at Genesis/Mega Drive game General Chaos. Can I get past the first level this time? Will I even be able to figure out the basic gameplay? Don't miss Replay Week 2013's shocking conclusion!
Thank you for putting up with all my whining, as a reward you can now leave a comment and share your own opinions! Or not, it's up to you.