Duke Nukem 3D (Genesis/Mega Drive)

Amazingly this is a real thing that exists. I've already played the original PC version and it's still as good as ever, but can this possibly stand a chance of measuring up?

So far the game sounds even worse that it looks. I think this is supposed to be the Duke Nukem 3D theme I'm hearing, but it's hard to tell.

It doesn't look like any level I remember from the PC game, but that's Duke's gun, and that's definitely a Duke Nukem 3D door.

That dithering effect hasn't been drawn onto the textures, it's being applied in real time to create the illusion of extra colours. The thing is, on a modern sharp monitor screen the effect just doesn't work, so the raw screenshots are all going to look terrible.

I hate blurring artwork, but for the benefit of anyone not viewing this site on an old fuzzy CRT television I'll make an exception this once.

The music's a lot less painful now thankfully, and it's even got the voice clips from the PC game.

It still doesn't look like much, but it's probably a programming miracle that they got even this to run on the Mega Drive.

Duke Nukem 3D (MS-DOS)

It's looking a little bland compared to the PC original though. It's all right angles and perfectly flat, there's no steps, no shadows... there isn't even a floor.

To be honest though what I miss most is the crosshair. Without iron sights I kinda need one to see where I'm shooting.

Crap, I don't remember these guys being so hard to hit. Then again in the PC version I could strafe and turn, it didn't have to be one or the other.

Plus all my bullets are probably flying off past his elbow.

No, don't reload the gun now! Damn, I should have ran for cover, not just strafed left and right like an idiot in a shooting gallery.

Oh hello exploding suicide drone, nice to see you hiding behind the second door in the game, ready to kill me in one hit.

The PC version used to pull this trick too, and I didn't much like it then either. At least that game had the decency to save them until the second episode.

Hey exploding barrels and destructible doors! I didn't expect these to show up.

It's just a shame I have to waste some of my precious ammo to destroy them. I haven't found any ammo around at all and the enemies seem disinclined to drop any when they die, so I'm seriously running low.

Am I hitting them, I can't even tell.

I'm not even sure what I'm shooting at, all I see are fireballs coming out of the distance.

I had a clever plan to retreat around a corner and lure them out, but I didn't survive long enough to get back behind the wall.

But it's okay, I know what I'm doing now. I just need to conserve my ammo better.

Shit, I'm doing worse than last time! It took me 29 bullets to kill those two troopers and now I've got 19 left to kill at least three more of them.

Oh, and the suicide drone. Forgot that guy.

I think medium difficulty might be a bit too ambitious for me right now. I'm going to put it down to easy and see if that works out better.

It's not working out better.

This time I ran down the corridor to take the grunts on foot to face, but I keep hopping past them or through them. And then they killed me again.


LATER.

I've found ammo! This is amazing.

Finally I have a reason to save the game. I have actually achieved something.

HAH! You're not so tough now are ya?

Actually I still couldn't kill them even with the extra ammo, so I've gone back to hopping around and trying to kick them.

4 hp left, but one enemy down... can I get the second one too?

All my foes lay slain by the mighty boot, so I finally get a chance to stop and look around.

Either Duke Nukem's crouching, or everything in this base has been designed for giants. All the switches are above his head. Even the ATM machines are up near the ceiling.

Anyway I'm in a room with three exits and nothing to pick up, so I'm going to see what's behind door number one.

Well... fuck.


LATER.

Okay I'm back again and ready to see what's behind door number two. Wow, a dead end and some shotgun shells! That would be awesome if I actually had a shotgun.

Blam, I'm killed again.


LATER.

Door number three is locked so I'm going back down door number one to hopefully find a keycard.

First though I have to kick infinite facehuggers. Are these Slimers respawning from the eggs or are there just a lot of eggs in there?


WAY TOO MUCH KICKING LATER.

I wasn't really expecting to see a hand appear on screen to swipe the card, but to their credit they bothered to put it in.

Shame they didn't add in the damn crosshair too.

Oh right, of course. Behind door number three is a guy ready to kill me.


LATER.

I'm just ignoring these guys now. I've got no ammo and I take far less damage running past them than I do trying to kick them.

Well at least now I know where I am. I just hope there's a glass roof over us or we're in trouble.

Ammo aside, there didn't seem to be much point going this way, the doors won't open. But according to this map... oh fuck it, I'll just keep wandering around until I find a place I haven't been yet.


LATER.

Well at least I found somewhere new to get killed.


MUCH MUCH MUCH LATER.

Whoa, I've actually done it! I've beaten level one.

To be fair, most of those 29 kills were probably those facehugging Protozoid Slimers I stomped on. Also I doubt somehow that 3D Realms set any times for this game.


Well it's playable, but it's a bit crap really. Which is a shame because it seems technically pretty well made. It's not Duke Nukem 3D or even Doom, but for a Wolfenstein 3D style fps this could have worked if it had better gameplay (and wasn't so bloody difficult.)

Next game.