Super Slapshot (SNES)

Hey, chrome text again! This looks like it might be a shitty air hockey game.

Or maybe even real hockey. I've seen that digitised black and white photo look for backgrounds in sports games before, and it always looks like ass. I don't know why they did it.

I will pick Britain, because if you squint your eyes they kind of look like a team of Spider-Mans, and we're going to need that edge if we're going to win.

This guy claims to be Bob Smith.

His face is animated so he reads out the text as it comes on screen, yet he never makes a sound...

Well it looks alright I guess. Functional but nothing spectacular.

Okay this bit doesn't look so good, but the rest is alright.

You know I actually had possession for the majority of this game, I just couldn't get a single shot past their goal keeper.

Man, hockey is really long. This match is taking forever and I am bored out of my mind.

I wish this match would just end so I can turn it off and play something else. Anything else.

"You just hate it because you're not winning!"

Screw you Bob! Maybe I'd do better if the game was any good. I mean, I stayed with some of those other crappy games for long enough to figure the basics out because they had some spark of entertainment there. This game couldn't even inspire me to care enough to check what the controls are.

"That's because you're biased against sports games from the start!"

Well okay I admit I'm not a fan, but I'm not a fan of wrestling games either, and I still enjoyed Slammasters enough to stick with it until I won a fight. I thought Cutie Suzuki was likeable enough even though I spent that whole playthrough getting my ass kicked. I even won a couple of fights after I got the hang of it.

"So in other words, you disliked the games until you started winning!"

I never said that. Okay fine, forget my biased opinion, let's see what user score you've got on mobygames. Wow, 1.8 out of 5 (with only one vote). Truly a sports classic.

"Whatever, you still suck at hockey."

Yeah, well, you suck at... shut up!


Next game!