Mega Man (MS-DOS)

I couldn't play NES Mega Man without playing the DOS game too. It's an important piece of video game history.

Apparently this was pretty much entirely made by one guy and is a completely different game to the NES version, but hey it might be good.

Well I can confirm it's not a straight port of Mega Man 1. For one thing the NES game had music.

No enemy select screen this time, instead I start off at this mysterious gate. Is this the border, or am I just queuing up for a theme park ride?

Mega Man himself seems to have grown up a little since the NES game. Doesn't look any happier though. Plus he can't stop constantly blinking all the time, it's annoying.

I guess I should step through that gate.


BUT THEN...

Oh shit, it's a robot dog! I've manage to find the fire button, but the thing just laughs off my bullets. I tried to outrun it, but no luck there either.

I can't believe I just got blown up by the first enemy a few steps into the first level.

Oh shit, the thing was waiting for me when I respawned!

Maybe I need to jump out of the way or something. Where's the bloody jump key? I'm systematically pressing every button on this keyboard but nothing's happening. The dog's going to blow me up again before I even figure out how to jump.

I had to look it up in the end. It turns out that the jump key is... 'J'. Seriously. Arrow keys to walk, space to fire, and 'J' to jump. Well, it's going to make things interesting at least.

Jumping's not working either!

Sorry, but I don't think I'm even going to make it past the first level on this one.


EVENTUALLY.

HAH! Can't get me now you damn dirty digital dog!

My strategy this time was to slowly edge forward a step at a time, firing the whole way. That gave me just enough space to shoot the dogs dead before they could get me.

Oh wow, the game DOES have a stage select screen. Only three stages though apparently.

Mega Man seems a little apprehensive about the whole thing, and I know how he feels. Still at least I won't have to play it much longer. It shouldn't take me long to lose all my lives three times.


SONICMAN'S STAGE.

Damn I can barely see what I'm doing against this background. Though these things look like real frogs and bats, I thought Mega Man only fought robots.

You know, the game doesn't actually play THAT differently from the NES game. I'm still jumping around shooting enemies, hoping they'll eventually drop another health pick up, and I still can't duck. Though the NES version tended to give me one screen to make it through at a time when I reached a ladder, and this scrolls up and down just fine.

Damn, I fell into a room full of turrets firing in all directions and they shot the shit out of me. Now it's feeling more like proper Mega Man.

Though I'm not saying that this is anywhere near as good as NES Mega Man. I didn't like that game much, but at least I could see the appeal. I can't see much appeal for anyone in this game.

Damn rats! Why can't Mega Man duck anyway? It seems a bit of an oversight to make a heroic combat robot that can't aim low enough to kill anything below shoulder height.

Did that pipe just shoot a fireball at me? I'm honestly confused about what's attacking me here. These shots could be coming from anywhere and anything, so there's no safe place for me to hide and wait and figure it out.

I tried to jump down and grab the extra life, but the mysterious fireballs got me in the end. And that's it, I'm back to the stage select screen.


LATER.

I... have no clue why I decided to try the same level again. Why is it I couldn't quit the NES game fast enough, but I'm giving this a second chance?

This time around I made it a little further, and found a toxic waste/shoe dump... and then the fish got me and sent me back to the stage select. Wait, is this supposed to be a sewer level? Why would Sonicman be hiding out in the sewers?



VOLTMAN'S STAGE.

Ah, this makes more sense. I can see why Voltman would live near power lines.

I'm not so happy about the way this bird just pecked Mega Man off the cables to fall to his death, but whatever. Birds are assholes, that's just a video game fact. It'd be nice if the game would give me half a chance to dodge the electricity though.

Well I've escaped the power lines, but it's not much safer down here. These flies are a pain in the ass, as they swarm around my head, too close for me to shoot.

I tried running off and getting some distance, but Mega Man suddenly didn't seem so quick on his feet anymore, and the flies kept knocking me back. It took me a second to realise what was going on. Those things in the background must be electromagnets, and they're slowing me down as I walk past.

Hah, fuck you flies, I've found the ladder leading out of here!

Son of a bitch. Turns out that the flies down here are bigger, and spit bullets. Also they come out of nowhere so I had no chance to get out of the way.

Back to the stage select then.


DYNAMAN'S STAGE.

Okay, this is last stage now. I don't why Dynaman's stage would be a warehouse, so I'm just going to pretend the boxes are full of dynamite. Still no music by the way.

I can't figure out how to get past these wasps without getting hit by the nails they drop. Every time I think I've figured it out... nails in the face. Fortunately they don't take off much health so I can just ignore them and take the damage.

Go left you say? It's lucky I saw those arrows and immediately pulled left or else I could have been in trouble.

Uh? I guess I didn't pull left enough? Back to the nail wasps then.


EVENTUALLY.

Oh crap, more disappearing blocks? I had enough trouble with these things in the NES game. I have to quickly leap from block to block as they appear, getting off the platform I'm standing before it vanishes. If I screw up I end taking a swim in the lava. Which isn't actually instant death, but did the job soon enough.

Okay I'm sick of Dynaman's stage now. And that's it for Mega Man, MS-DOS edition. I'd say it was fun while it lasted... but it really wasn't.


SOON.

Uh, why the fuck am I still playing this? It's really not a good game. Though I suppose it's not a terrible game.

I went back to Voltman's stage, and this time I was ready for the underground flies. At this part I've to run to the gaps in the ceiling in time to jump over the spiders, which is reasonable enough. It'd be more reasonable if I could just aim a little lower though. Learn how to crouch already you dumb robot.

Oh great, the disappearing blocks are back, and this time the penalty for failure is instant death. I accidentally double checked a few times to make sure.


EVENTUALLY.

I made it past the disappearing blocks with only one life to spare!

...only to find that the next section is more disappearing platforms.

Son of a bitch. Well, there ain't no way I'm playing all that again.

It's no massive shock that they never made a DOS Mega Man 2.

Mega Man III (MS-DOS)

Though they DID make a Mega Man III. It's not a port of the NES game either, they just felt like missing out a number. It actually came out the same year as Mega Man 5 on the NES, so I have no idea what they were thinking.

Mega Man III (MS-DOS)

And yeah it's pretty much just like the first DOS Mega Man. Next game.