H.U.R.L. (MS-DOS)

Also known as Slob Zone 3D.

Now I'm wondering what HURL could stand for. I'm also wondering why that monkey looks like a duck.

Man, that pig looks like he wants to be here about as much as I do. He seems pretty harmless though, so I walked past him, picked up the apple core, and got rewarded with cash.

A whole fenced off area just to store a key, seems like overkill. I walked around the fence and down the brick wall but I couldn't find a way in.

A real world setting in a Doom era FPS, months before Duke Nukem 3D! Shame it looks like ass.

Son of a bitch... these damn ducks keep wandering around throwing their eggs at me. And there's nothing I can do about it, I have no attacks! Every hit adds to the DIRT meter, and I'm sure if it gets filled up then it's game over.

Wait, is that duck wearing a tie? How did I not notice that earlier? I must have been playing too many cute platformers, this kind of thing doesn't even register as weird to me anymore.

A quick shower, and the dirt is gone! Shame it costs money.

Well there's the locked door, now I just need to figure out how to get the key. Man, they are not messing around with that lock.

Uh?

Awesome, I found a vending machine on a wall. I'm going to buy some water balloons, then I'm going to kick that duck's ass.

Son of a BITCH! The water balloons do nothing!

Oh wait, hang on. They're not entirely useless. Throwing one at a pig sends them airborne.

Clearing pigs out of the way opens up new paths. Now I've got a green key and the door to use it on.

The red key is now mine.

And the level is won.

S.U.D.Z? Another bloody acronym.

Level two's even more garish than level one.

It's really not a nice game to look at. Everything's so bright and flat. A couple of shadows would have been nice at least.

I feel like that chair is staring at me. Also what the fuck, is that egg screaming? Man these ducks creep me out. Everything about this game is... unsettling.

Man, now a giant cat's about to empty his litter box on me. This sucks.

Next level: The sewers.

Fuck. That.

Really really!

Damn, looking at the enemy list I'm glad I quit where I did. I don't even want to know what Bob the Slob does as an attack.


Next game.