Mutant Penguins (MS-DOS) - Guest Post

What? Where?

I've never heard of this game. Is it a platformer? Or a puzzle game? Is it an RTS? Do we control these mutant penguins, or are they the enemies?

Let's look at the cast!

We get this dude, an eager looking Rayman-esque cupcake carrying a frying pan.

Or this miserable man in a pear costume carrying a club.

Gotta be the cupcake.

I'm in a wasteland, surrounded by these short fuzzy blue fellows, and there are penguins teleporting in on the far right of the level. There are chests, but I need to gather the blue guys and set them work exploding the chests so I can get powerups. I guess the first thing I have to do is find the cupcake his frying pan.

The main menu's let me turn on 'tutorial mode', so every time I press a button, it tells me what the button does and why I can't use it yet. It isn't very helpful.

'What the fuck do you want?'

A few chests later, and P A N spells PAN! Now we're cookin'!

I can hit the penguins for points, but I don't know if it's having an effect. I still have no idea what's going on.

If you get sick of the blue fuzzies, you can also hit them if you want to knock them flying across the level.

He can't feel a thing, honest!

Those penguins seem happy enough waddling about in their cowboy hats, so I've taken a look around and found another chest. Inside the chest: a scimitar! That's gotta be better than this lousy frying pan.

When the cupcake picks up the scimitar...

...he unleashes its awesome power and becomes SAMURI BERNARD! Apparently!

Samuri Bernard doesn't seem to use his scimitar or the cupcake's frying pan. Instead, he has a spin attack that does nothing to the penguins or the gremlins. Samuri Bernard Mode lasts for such a short amount of time, you barely get a chance to reach the penguins before you're back to normal.

I knocked out some penguins before SAMURI BERNARD wore off, and the camera panned over to this guy again. The platforms either side of the machine are spinning like crazy and he's not looking too well.

Waaah! The Mutant Penguins have taken over!! What did I do wrong!?

No matter how many tries I had, whether I played as the cupcake or the pear, I simply could not figure out how to stop this machine from having a fit and giving me a Game Over.

Next game!