Batman: The Caped Crusader (Atari ST)

Poor Batman's being squeezed out of his own game by all the other logos.

The music sounds like a remix of the 1960's tv series theme, which I guess was THE Batman theme at the time seeing as the Tim Burton movie was still a year away.

Okay, for a game that came out in 1988, that really doesn't look bad.

Oh. The in-game graphics are a bit of a letdown after that title screen.

Hey, I've found a batarang! I wouldn't have thought Batman of all people would be the type to leave his stuff lying on the floor.

While trying to pick the batarang up, I managed to get to the inventory screen. Down and fire seems to bring it up. It seems that the graphics for poor Batman's head have gotten corrupted somehow.

Okay, I'm guessing the icons are 'drop' on the top left, 'equip as a weapon' (or maybe punch... he is a super hero, they can solve any problem by punching it) on the top right,  'options' on the bottom right and 'sound options' on the bottom right. And the middle icon... ah, it puts me back into the game.


A FEW MORE SCREENS LATER.

I've found a spanner too! Now I just need to find some point to picking this stuff up.

I wonder if that comic caption is some kind of cryptic clue...

I collected the disk from the floor and tried to use it on the computer, but nothing happened. It didn't work on any of the other computers in the Batcave either. Though it's very possible that I just don't know how to use items properly.


LATER.

I couldn't find anywhere to use the disk, but I did find the way out of the Batcave, and there are PEOPLE here! Armed goons to be precise, patrolling around Wayne Manor.

At least I'm assuming we're at Wayne Manor. For all I know at this point in the comics Bruce had moved all his stuff to a second Batcave in the middle of the city or something.

Damn these bastards take a lot of hits to put down. It took eight punches and kicks to finally beat this guy. And each time he'd walk away to the edge of the screen, turn around and shoot me as I was trying to catch up.

He dropped something that looked like a crisp packet or a piece of paper so I'll try to see if any of these buttons let me inspect OH SHIT WHAT HAPPENED TO BATMAN'S HEAD?

That wasn't corrupted graphics on that other screenshot, that was his head melting. It seems that Batman slowly dies over time, and getting shot only exacerbates the problem.

Fortunately using the item dropped by the defeated enemy seems to have cured him. So as long as I've got goons around to beat health pickups out of I should be fine.

Beating up thugs takes way too long, and there's two or three per screen, so I'm just going to ignore them from now on.

These guys have next to zero AI. They just pace back and forth and take a shot at you if you're in front of them.

The enemies start becoming a problem in numbers though.

Also this music is becoming a problem too. It's been playing this Batman remix on a loop since the title screen and it's getting to me now.

All that and it's a dead end? I'll just have to turn around and go all the way back then. Yay.

Crap, the penguin's got a gun!

"Just one step and closer and... I'll press space to restart."


Yeah I think I will restart actually. I'm not letting this game off that easily.

Fixing computers is easy when you have a spanner! It turns out I was supposed to use the thing in the room that I found it.

With the computer fixed I was able to finally use the disk.

The disk brought up a "Catch the Penguin..!" message, and now I've got a Batsymbol on my Batcomputer. I get the feeling I just wasted my time.

I have figured out how to equip the Batarang this time now, so I can take out screenfuls of enemies at a distance instead of chasing after one at a time. It still takes bloody ages to knock them all out, but it's worth doing to keep stocked up on health pickups.

So now I can fight properly and keep my health topped up I think I can actually make some progress.


LATER.

Oh for fuck's sake... I just did a loop of the entire area and ended up back where I started. The door to the Batcave.


EVEN LATER.

Okay let's try this again. There must be something I missed.

There's a door up here, and a clue, "In a pickle?" What the hell can that mean?

OH! Lock picks!

I am inside, but there's not much here.

Except for shadows... hmm, suspicious. I wonder if I've got anything in my inventory for this.

Hmm, I've got a grenade, a can of drink, my batarang, a lock pick, a shoe (no idea how he got that in the utility belt), a Gotham Police badge, a flashlight... yes!

It did nothing.

That's right henchmen, ignore me and keep walking. Pay no attention to the pissed off looking vigilante and perhaps later you'll be able to tell all your friends that today you met the Batman and lived.

I tried to grab the umbrella, but it's apparently bolted to the wall, I couldn't move it.


LATER.

I... don't get it. And these damn doors are just leading me around in circles. That's it, I give up, I'm sick of this game.

As a side scrolling beat 'em up this game is awkward and slow. As an adventure game it's vague and unrewarding. But the two combine to make something so much worse. Walking around trying to find what object to use where is bad enough, but when there's 10 screens full of enemies to deal with between every place with a clue it just gets tedious.

Next game.