James Bond Jr (SNES)

So far I've mostly stuck to playing games I haven't played before, so that everything would be new to me. But this is a special case, this one I've owned for years.

Right away, at the very start of the first level, I came across a foreground column. Except it looks like part of the background so I didn't expect to find a guy hiding behind it. I tried kicking the dude back, but his attack range is greater than mine, so I have to walk towards him to get him.

Or I can use a flying kick, hiiiiii-ya! Wait, that actually HIT him?

Is that really how they teach you to kick in secret agent school, Bond Jr?

Okay, well that's the first enemy down, let's see what mysteries this temple hides...

Or not. Why don't we just switch genres to a side scrolling shoot 'em up instead? This wouldn't be so bad if your helicopter wasn't so damn slow. It'd also help if a single hit didn't send you back to the last checkpoint.

You can get shield pickups from supply planes that give you a couple of extra hits, but they fall quickly off screen, and you move slowly so... you can see how that can be a problem.

Despite your training and experience telling you otherwise, trees are NOT background objects in this one 007 Jr. So try not to fly into them.

Man that screenshot is giving me Lemmings flashbacks for some reason.

Okay, do you expect me to get out of this? No Mr Bond Jr, we expect you to DIE.

I can't go down, the screen is always scrolling and I'd hit the tree. I can't turn around and shoot that guy, or do anything against him at all. I can't slip between the bullets. This is one deathtrap I'm not escaping.


HOURS PASS.

Okay seriously, this isn't even funny anymore. How long does this damn level last? Is this the rest of the game, just this level? Forever?

Oh thank fuck for that!

If you see this game in shops, do not approach it. Do not attempt to purchase it.